Husband and I had a curious conversation last night. I still don't quite know how I feel about it. We've finally gotten our nerve up to go see a financial planner, and this has brought up a lot of questions for us. Like, how do we want to live? And, how do we want to pay for the girls to go to school? When do we want to retire? Big questions like that. Last night, we also finally talked specifics about my being a stay-at-home mom. I finally admitted to Husband that I felt kind of guilty for not bringing in an income. After all, in this enlightened era, why should he be the one who has to work a full-time job? (I know, I know, parenting is a more than full-time job, but I'm talking cash here.) He suprised me by replying that actually he felt guilty about my being a SAHM because it makes his life much easier. He was sort of tiptoeing around what he meant exactly, but it boiled down to this: "I like that you make all the food and keep the house clean and run the errands, and I like that you're not a raging bitch to me and the kids because you're a perpetually sleep-deprived baker." He likes that I'm his little housewifey.
Okay. Interesting. It never occurred to me that Husband would be feeling guilty about all this, too.
Despite all our stupid, middle-class angst, though, we did decide a few things. I'm going to stay home for about the next 8 years or so, which will be the time it takes to have one more baby in about another year and stay at home with that one and Bean til they go to school. After that, I'd like to return to work doing something besides pastry cheffing, but it might be part-time and it's supposed to be something I love, regardless of how much I get paid. Cue my guilt, but this was Husband's mandate, y'all!
It's all very confusing for me. Husband was raised in a very traditional family in the sense that his parents stayed married for 35+ years, and his mother stayed home with the kids til she returned to work later in life, long after they were in school. His father took care of all the financial stuff and made sure the family was well-provided for. Husband is a product of all this, and it's so remarkable to me, the daughter of a mostly-single mom who married 3 times (divorced twice), lived perpetually in deep debt, and never owned her own home til about 10 years ago. And let's not forget that my Ex seemed to believe that his perpetual unemployment was o.k. because dammit, he wasn't a "wage slave" like every other half-asleep hack out there, he was an artist! Naturally, he had no problem with me being a wage-slave, but that's ancient history.
So yeah, I guess I'm not used to someone else besides me taking care of things, taking care of us. It's taking some adjustment...