Thursday, November 29, 2007

Something completely different

Still no baby. Dammit.

It's a dreary day outside, Bean is indulging in a brutal new temper tantrum phase, and I'm in need of some novelty to take my mind off my enormity and sore pelvic bones. A friend is bringing over her 2 kids and some empanadas in a couple of hours, bless her, and Bean and I whipped up a (ahem) congealed salad just for kicks. That's Jell-o salad for you non-Southerners out there. Got the recipe right out of my local garden club's cookbook which lists about a dozen different Jell-o salad options.

I don't know why the prospect of Jell-o has been lurking in my mental periphery lately as something delicious and desirable, but it has. I haven't made Jell-o since I was about eye level with the kitchen counter and it was a big deal to help my mom make it. Chalk it up to nesting, I guess. Once it sets up, it's going to be such a fabulous afternoon snack, though!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

No news

For those of you checking up on me, I still haven't had the baby. Today is my due date, so my hope is that within the next 10 days--which is how late Sister was--I will have had her. But not yet. And absolutely no sign or feeling that it will happen soon. If anyone says to me, "No one's ever been pregnant forever," one more time I'll reach through the screen and slap them.

I've been trying to keep myself busy with plans each day so as not to obsess too much. On the agenda today: a trip to the grocery store for some things we don't really need right this minute and a drive to Raleigh to pick up some Girl Scout badges ordered for a meeting on 12/7. Woo-hoo! the PTA's pizza and bingo night is happening tonight at Sister's school, so we're planning to go to that, too, though I dread enduring the "why-are-YOU-still-here?!" themed repartee I'll be hearing from all the other parents there (who should know better anyway).

It's the long, dark night of the pregnant woman's soul here, y'all.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Pop quiz

Does a pair of testicles, the internet, a long weekend, and a 1966 copy of The Handyman's Book make you a plumber? Please discuss, offering at least two examples to support your argument.

'Cause I can't discuss it.

Friday, November 23, 2007


The baby was not born on my best friend's from high school's birthday, not on Thanksgiving, not on the last day of Scorpio, and not with her moon in either Aries or Taurus. In short, the baby is still not born. I'm now entering the voodoo part of my pregnancy, in which I wake up every day thinking of bizarre and utterly antilogical reasons why the baby must have been waiting til THIS particular day to be born. She clearly has her own vision of when her best birthday would be, but so far I have no frigging clue what it is. Perhaps my stepfather's birthday in 3 days? My deceased aunt's birthday on the 28th? A moon in Cancer? The full moon on Saturday? Pizza-and-bingo night at Sister's school on my due date, fer chrissakes?

Well anyways. I do hope that everyone had as pleasant and relaxing a Thanksgiving as I did. My mom did all the cooking and even cleaned up afterwards, insisting that I was way too pregnant to do anything but eat and watch her. My little brothers were charming and solicitous. Though my stepfather got worked up debating with Husband about how great Rush Limbaugh is, and my brother called in to wish us happy Thanksgiving from jail, it was all still very restful. I couldn't have asked for it to have gone better,

Though it would have been nice for the baby to have come.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Yet more pregnancy whining

Earlier today, Bean and I were waiting in line at Target behind another mama with her 1-1/2 year old son. He began squalling about something, prompting Bean to scowl at him and boom fiercely, "NO! Settle down!" And prompting me to think to myself, "Jeez, do I sound like that?" And I have to assume that I must, especially lately as my self-pity at being so massive and uncomfortable deepens.

My newest pregnancy symptom is genuine pain down around where I imagine my cervix to be. The baby puts herself in some weird position--like with an elbow inserted into the middle of that little internal donut--and wiggles there, causing me to suck my breath in through my teeth and stop whatever it is I'm doing to very theatrically clutch my lower abdomen. It's not just twinges here and there either, it goes on for hours at a time before it pauses a little while. I assure you, I am neither a wimp nor a drama queen, having acquitted myself damn well through two natural childbirths. But this frickin' hurts and I don't want to have to go through this for the next 2 weeks before going through labor, fer chrissakes! (Insert big, whiny, ugly mama temper tantrum here.)

Thursday, November 15, 2007

How NOT to have a baby, or tried and untrue DIY labor induction methods

No, I still haven't had this baby yet and am trying hard to be patient, knowing that this one will likely be late like my others. Sister was 10 days tardy and Bean, 8 days. With a due date of 11/27 this time around, I'm trying to resign myself to having a large-ish Sagittarius baby rather than a nice, petite Scorpio. It's hard not to hope that somehow things will go differently this time.

Just for laughs, I thought I'd put out there the different things I've tried before to get my late-lingering infants born already. This is partly to remind myself of what not to bother with and partly to fend off any well-meaning readers who have tips that may have worked for them, but which did not provoke my previously reluctant uterus to just get on with things. Here goes:

Castor oil
: Supposedly works by stimulating bowel contractions and thereby sympathetic uterine contractions that turn into labor. In reality? Castor oil is some nasty ass shit that makes you have...well, nasty ass shit, actually. It's a powerful laxative that tastes foul, even in the peach ice cream milkshake recommended to me by whatever moron I was listening to when Sister was persisting in my belly. I'll never do that again!

Enemas: Was I butt-obsessed back then? I don't think so, but somehow I thought that trying an enema a few days after trying the wretchedly unsuccessful castor oil was a good idea. Again, just a lot of poop and no baby, with the added humiliation of having to stand in line at the drugstore with an enema box.

Nipple stimulation: By me, I mean, not by Husband. If you're using this as a labor stimulating measure, it's supposed to be for a long time--like, 15 minutes out of every hour for several hours per day. Who has the time? Not me, not anymore. I remember trying this when pregnant with Bean, on nights when we were watching movies. Husband could be absorbed in the movie and I could feel less self-conscious. Yes, it produced pretty intense contractions, but who knows if it contributed anything towards uterus readiness? An unmistakably late baby seems to indicate it didn't.

Blue and black cohosh drops
: Recommended to me by my midwives when pregnant with Bean. I seem to remember they had me on a regimen of several drops per night, alternating the type. Icky, but seemed harmless and wasn't too expensive. Probably won't go out of my way to use it this time, though. Again, a late baby seems to indicate it just isn't worth even the $15 or so I spent on the drops at Whole Foods.

Sex: Semen contains prostaglandins, which are cervix-ripening hormones. A handy fact that husbands of pregnant women love, have you noticed? Sex is still nice if I can conjure up the mental fortitude to forget about my enormous belly and now perpetually engorged nethers. But doing it to stimulate labor introduces mental pressure that sorta kills the fragile mood. I'll do it for love, but not for labor.

Long walks
: I walked A LOT toward the end of my pregnancy with Bean, briskly, up and down the hills around my neighborhood til my hips hurt and I wore myself out. It did nothing but make me tired. Oh, alright, I suppose it's just good to be getting some exercise in, but who wants to walk briskly when you're 40 pounds heavier than you're used to and there's a head rolling around among your pelvic bones? I'd rather rest on the couch and twiddle my nipples.

Evening primrose oil: This is something that my midwives are recommending to me this time around. I'm supposed to be taking 1000 mg orally and 500 mg inserted as a vaginal suppository every night. I was told not to start this til after 37 weeks which sounds promising, right? Like something might happen too early if you do go ahead and take it? But so far, after almost a week and a half, nothing. I suppose it's early enough still to say that the verdict is still out on this one. At least it also falls into the seems-harmless-and-not-too-expensive category.

That's all I'm remembering now, but isn't that enough to have tried and failed with before? I think so. This time, I'll just try--try hard!--to skip the angst, cultivate patience, and enjoy all the things I can do without a newborn on the scene just yet. Things like not having two sets of diapers to change, getting sleep interrupted only by two 30-second trips to the bathroom rather than a few half-hour-long nursing sessions, getting showers roughly when I want them, that sort of thing. I mean, I'll miss this when it's gone, right?

Friday, November 09, 2007

Near the end

1-1/2 centimeters dilated, 39 pounds gained (so far), 2 wakings in the middle of each night to pee, and 18 more days til my due date. But I'm ready NOW.

I may feel differently in a few hours when Husband leaves town to go run the Richmond marathon. Richmond is only about a 3-hour drive from Chapel Hill, and when Husband originally sounded me out about leaving on a trip this close to my due date I thought I was okay about it. But my dreams 2 nights ago were all about me going into labor while Husband wasn't here to help me, so perhaps on some level I guess I am worried about the possibility. Still, now that my rational, daytime mind has taken over, I think I could almost welcome this if I could only get my non-pregnant body back. Tonight would be just fine, whether Husband is here for the first few hours or not. Bring on the sleep deprivation from waking every few hours to nurse a newborn! Bring on three needy, clamoring kids instead of just two! Bring on soreness, difficult labor, stitches, and blood!