Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Out of sorts

It's only day 4 of Sister's being back at school, but I'm feeling a bit out of sorts. Maybe it's because this house is still so new? Maybe it's that I have no garden yet in which to putter? Maybe it's because my usual choice of activity with Bean for a few weeks now has been to go shop for one house-related thing or another? Don't know. I just feel like the day yawns like a bottomless pit most mornings and afternoons. It's hard to figure out just what exactly to do with my time. It's not free time, mind you, but time that needs to be spent entertaining a baby and keeping a household running.

To that end, I told myself this morning that it was high time I start getting back to the gym again. Bean is 16 months old now and should be able to handle being away from me a few times a week for an hour or so, right? Right. So I tried introducing her to the gym daycare this morning, thinking I'd take it slow and leave her there for 20 minutes while I went to pee and maybe read a magazine out of sight in the hallway nearby. No dice. I set her up with some toys, told her bye while she still seemed happily occupied, and went to the bathroom. When I came back exactly five minutes later I could hear her wailing from down the hall. Thought I'd let the sweet, capable college girls do their job and give it a few more minutes, but...nope. Bean lasted exactly 10 whole minutes in the gym daycare before I had to rescue her. We played together there for the next 15 minutes and I took her home while she still wanted to stay and play, so maybe she'll be pleased to go back soon. But maybe I should've thought of doing this long before 16 months old. There were 8-month olds there, all nonchalant at the prospect of hanging out with a roomful of toys and other kids to play with without their moms around. Not my baby, though.

I have GOT to start doing something for myself. I hate to keep beating the dead horse that I've been beating for the last several months, but don't all you SAHM's out there feel like your days are spent cooking, cleaning up, running some errand, cooking, cleaning up, squeezing some stupid chore in during naptime, making snacks, cleaning up, helping with homework, cooking, cleaning up, and going to bed for not enough sleep every damn day?

And yeah, we're thinking of having a third child soon. I suppose there's something to be said for getting it out of the way and having all the hard, early years be concentrated together. Isn't there?


Mama D said...

Sometimes when I read your blog it scares me. Because you take the words right out of my mouth. Mind you I don't have an older child like Sister and having two children is a ton more work than just one.

But I am having the same struggle with the gym. I am so angry about the money that is automatically being withdrawn from our account yet, I haven't been to the gym in ages. I took A when she was around 6 months. She used to be fine. Then suddenly a couple of months ago she would cry and fuss and not want to stay. I got about 15 minutes into a step class and they came and got me. It drives me nuts. I want to work out so badly. I hate looking at my tummy which has almost shrunk down to where I'd like it to be but just needs some regular exercise. Sigh.

And we are also thinking of getting pregnant in this next year after A turns one. I'd like to be back in shape before I get pregnant again. I wonder if I want to do this to myself all over again and then I think yeah, lets just get this stuff over with. The being away from work, not sleeping, not exercising part of my life. Lets just do this thing and move on to the next stage.

FrogLegs said...

No advice... but I agree-- do something, find something for yourself. I was never the SAHM-type, went back to work when kiddo was 4 wks old... but I know, those 4 weeks were long and hard.. even summers, now, are hard because I want to be productive- and home, for me feels very unproductive...

Brony said...

Sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you. It is so important to look after you first, so you can then look after everyone else.

I give talks to new mom's group on rejuvenation. I've posted some suggestions on my blog and there are more to come.

Housework can always wait. One way or another it seems to get done.

What do you enjoy? How can you get your baby involved?

Are there any baby and mom exercise programs in your area?

Have you thought about taking a course?

When you cook dinner, make it fun. Put your little one in a high chair facing you, there's your audience. You are now the star of your very own cooking show - so work it girl.

Bear said...

Some day, you will look back on these as the easy years. I promise.