Monday, August 21, 2006


Announcement: Husband and I are in zero danger of getting a divorce! Just so everyone knows. From a few comments I got on yesterday's pity party of a post, I believe I left it ambiguous about whether I wanted to stay married to my dear spouse. I do, really! It's just that some days are harder than others. Some days are so hard, in fact. And a weekend where I still have to mind Bean for most of her waking hours because Husband needs to get his whole to-do list done before he leaves town for 5 days is even harder than usual. I don't plan on getting divorced a second time, but thanks to everyone who was concerned that I would.

Now on to other marriage-related ponderings. Tonight I was thinking about all the trade-offs I put together mentally in every day. Things like, "If I go get a haircut and Husband stays with the girls, I could get an hour to myself, but then the house will be trashed. Is it worth it?" (The answer to that one is always yes.) Or, "If Husband and I have really great sex tonight, will he let me sleep in tomorrow? Should I risk losing the sleep now 'cause he might refuse to budge when the baby cries?" (Often I risk the sleep and of course feel pleased that I did, whoever gets up with the baby.) Or, "If I take Bean to the damn park while it's 95 degrees outside, she'll probably run around enough to take an extra-long nap and let me get x, y, or z done. But it's SO hot. Is it worth it?" (Usually not.)

Today, there were a series of them to consider back to back. And they're so complicated sometimes!

"My friend is in town from Mexico and wants to come over for lunch and an interview for a book she's working on. If I say yes and schedule while Bean is sleeping, Bean is bound to miss out on her afternoon run-around 'cause we'll still be too busy catching up when she wakes. Will Bean be entertained and peaceful by the mere presence of my seldom-seen friend and not scream her head off? Does the adult conversation make it worth it even if she's freaking out?" (Ohmigod, YES!)

"Does going to the book store--which is out of the way but which has an enormous basket of stuffed animals and many throwable, stompable board books--before going to the grocery store mean that Bean will spend a little energy there and not throw fits during grocery shopping when she can't have cookie after free cookie or balloon after free balloon?" (Apparently not.)

"If I let Husband take over with the pajama donning and hair brushing while I get on my own p.j.'s and pour myself a drink, can anything terribly messy possibly happen in those few minutes?" (Oh yes! Husband can give Bean a whole apple of her own to augment her paltry, thrown-about dinner and Bean can spit each and every chewed up bite onto the porch floor for the roaches and ants to come find later if it's left uncleaned. I find this dismaying in the extreme when I happen upon it. Husband watches this with glee, though, both because his baby girl is cutely proud that she has her very own apple to eat, and because he just bought a new shop-vac that he's desperate to try out. I swear, I wasn't gone longer than 10 minutes!)

This is one of those mental skills I find I've become proficient in since I became a mom. The calculations take only a few seconds, though I may not always be able to predict the outcome.

Today, though, I mostly feel like I came out ahead. Funny what a little grown-up company can do for a mama's state of mind.


Valarie said...

the ones regarding kids are always hard because they are always changing on you.

ps, I didn't think you were getting divorced. I don't think you could handle another ex mother in law in your life. even if the one is nothing like the other.

Mommygoth said...

Yah, I didn't figure you were that far gone either. I just know how easy it is to get frustrated and have that not abate, but rather get worse and worse and worse, which is what happened to me and D that first year of Miss K's life. We're just really now getting back to where I feel like we have our old relationship back. And I even get to escape to work for 9 hours a day! So, while I can't say I know exactly how you feel, I definitely get the general outline.

Glad you're feeling a little better today - hope all the home improvements over the weekend were worth a 7 day stint with very little backup from the man!

Nikkie said...

I didn't think you guys were in that kind of trouble either! I'm glad you are having a better day!

Mama D said...

I just found it amazing that we were both having similar trains of thought lately.

Yeah, decisions. Can't someone else make them?

Piece of Work said...

Huh. I really thought I'd left a comment on that last post. But instead it appears that I am just crazy.
Anyway. Yes, grown up company does wonders for the mommy attitude.

plantain said...

And how F'ing frustrating is it that the husband (or boyfriend) just *does not* think this way!