Thursday, May 04, 2006

I.B.T.C.

Oh good! So I'm not the only one who knows that the above acronym stands for "Itty Bitty Tittie Committee!" (Hey, Pie Maker, I wish I could say that 27 years had changed MY membership in that illustrious club, but sadly it hasn't.)

Well anyways. So yeah, since I'm feeling in a tell-all mood today, let it hearby be known by all of you out there who don't know me personally that I've got itsy bitsy leetle tiny boobies. And I don't care what pervert out there knows it. In fact, I don't MUCH care that they're that small anymore. They are, if you must know, not even a cup-size A. Seriously, I've gone bra shopping before, purchased an A-cup, and found that it's all puckered and baggy when I get it home. On the other hand, I've nursed 2 babies just fine. They are fully functional as far as I can tell. And--get this!--they haven't begun sagging yet in my mid-30's because they're just not affected that much by gravity. There's not much there TO be affected by gravity.

Bra-less, then, I have historically worn black and dark blue, or maybe dark-patterned, clothing items up top. You can't see through them, see, to tell that I have no bra on. At least that's what I tell myself. Lately, though, I've become enamored with the idea of wearing COLORS. Y'all take that for granted, don't you? That you can wear a bra and then any colored shirt on top of it that you want, right? For members of the I.B.T.C., though, it ain't that simple. And don't tell me 'wear a camisole,' by the way. A camisole is a layer, and I'd like to see YOU wear 2 layers of shirts during one of our 100-degree summers. Meh.

This leads me to my big confession, which I must share with SOMEONE, since I'm too mortified to tell this to my husband yet. I decided to just suck it up and go bra shopping once and for all the other day. Did I go to one of those famous bra shops where no-nonsense salesladies claim to be able to fit anyone? No, I did not because they don't exist down South as far as I know. (Plus, how embarrassing would THAT be?)

No, I went to Target. To the training bra section of Target. Where next to underwear in my almost 8-year old daughter's size, they also carry bras in what is apparently MY size. My size is 36. Just 36, okay? No cup size at all, thanks. Just a stretchy panel with straps that is 36 inches in circumference, and it fits my nearly flat torso perfectly.

I am alternately mortally embarrassed that I am nearly 35 and still wearing a training bra, and just thrilled that this summer I will get to wear white shirts. A whole new color palette awaits me! Just, you know, please don't mention this to my husband.

9 comments:

Nancy said...

But I bet you look AWESOME in your clothes. You notice that all the runway models are rather -- er -- flat chested up top. Because clothing looks great on them. I bet you can wear tank tops with spaghetti straps, sans bra. Sigh.

Don't get me wrong, I am pretty happy with my figure, I've made peace with my curves. But there are days I do look longingly at those cute little tops with the pretty straps...

Mommygoth said...

Bwah hah hahahahahahahahahah! I'm sorry, Slime - I am not laughing at your boobs, which frankly have always worked with your narrow little waist and flat tummy in a way that big boobs wouldn't have. I am laughing at the fact that you POSTED this. I do see that you have a fashion dilemma you had to deal with - I myself have never gotten to wear spaghetti strapped ANYTHING outside of my house, or without a sweater. And I'm still laughing that you posted this. You are so. damn. cute. Can't wait to see the bra, and I promise not to breathe a word to your hubby (or even my own!)

Dawn said...

You worry about the Astro glide? Darlin', if you can bare chest it all, then you need to move the lube to a more prominent place...

Amber said...

ROFL (I'm not laughing at you- I'm laughing with you!!) I think that's awesome!! I ditto mommygoth- flat chested usually goes with tiny waist/hips and flat stomach.

Rachelle said...

I'll share my extra with you. My cup runneth over if you know what I mean.

Sugarmama said...

Ladies ladies ladies! I would be totally remiss if I let the comments about "narrow little waist" and "flat stomach" slide, allowing the blogosphere to go on thinking I'm some waif/supermodlel type. I mean, thanks and all, but I've had 2 kids and I'm sitting on my ass at home in my mid-30's. This is not a body fat issue, this is a no-boobs-to-speak-of issue. I assure you, I have belly and butt a-plenty!

cubmommy said...

I am a small B and my sister is a D how did that happen? Small breasted women unite!

Piece of Work said...

Very funny! I can't believe you posted this either--hilarious! And I'm going with Heather's assesment: you flat bellied narrow waisted girl!

Mama D said...

Um, I think you know where I am coming from here. Or well, that I am incredibly jealous of your i.b.t's. I know, the grass is greener. It probably is. But still know that when you may be noticing someone's g.b.t's they are likely envying yours.