Wednesday, November 01, 2006

The worst news

Well, the worst has happened. The spotting escalated into a full-blown miscarriage that kept me awake half of last night. I am no longer pregnant and am terribly, terribly sad about it. I'm also feeling like a complete idiot for announcing it so soon, given that I've had a miscarriage before and remember all too well how months afterward I would STILL have people asking me cheerfully how the pregnancy was coming along. I'm kicking myself now.

I remember writing here, too, that if something happened I'd want to talk about it here. You know what, though? I don't. I really, really don't. What I want to do right now is hole up for awhile and not talk to ANYONE about it. I need to think about it on my own for awhile and really believe my midwives when they say that even having 2 miscarriages is no indication that I'm predisposed, especially since they happened so far apart and I've had 2 perfectly healthy children in the interim.

My 2 beautiful girls ARE a huge help to me right now. Bean especially is so unfettered in her sweetness and mama-love that when I'm with her the sadness is just gone. So I'm going to immerse myself in my life right now and just do the things I enjoy and be sweet to my babies. I'll be back in a couple of weeks, I think.

20 comments:

Beth said...

I'm so sorry.

cubmommy said...

I am so sorry. You will be in my thoughts. If you need anything let me know.

beth said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Mama D said...

So very, very sorry. I am and will continue to think of you. I know I am far away but if there is absolutely anything you need that I can do, please don't hesitate to ask me.

joan said...

I, too, am sorry. I'm thinking of you.

Nikkie said...

I am so so very sorry. I'll be thinking of you.

Nancy said...

There aren't any words at all to make your loss any less painful. But I'm very sorry, and will be thinking of you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Oh! I'm am so, so sorry. I had two miscarriages, too--and went on to have two healthy babies. So believe the midwives, they know what they are talking about.

I'll be thinking about you, Sugarmama. Take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

Hugs to you. Take all the time you need, but I'll miss you until then.

Suzanne said...

I'm so, so, sorry.

Brony said...

You are in my prayers. Enjoy the love you have around and let their laughter carry you away.

Manhattan Mama said...

You're in our thoughts. Let us know if there's anything we can do. When you're ready to talk again, we'll be here.

Belle said...

Oh my god, I am so, so sorry! I wish there was something I could say that would make things better. Just know that you and your family are in my prayers, and I am so glad that you are finding comfort and solace with your girls.

"Grandi" said...

Oh Sugar, I'm so sorry - Take care of yourself - I'll be praying for you.

Shana said...

I am so, so sorry.

Manic Mom said...

SM, I am so sorry. Cubmommy told me. I will pray for you that things get better. God bless you.

And take care of yourself, let OTHERS take care of you too, be well, and trust in God.

Jenny said...

I'm so sorry.

I know you don't want to talk about it but be sure to ask your doctor to check you for everything just in case. After many miscarriages I got diagnosed with anticardiolipin sydrome and without the diagnosis I never would have been able to have little Hailey.

Sending you healing thoughts.

JMom said...

hi sugarmama, I'm so sorry to hear this.

Nessie Noodle said...

linked over here from Mommy Mosh Pit- your words make me tear up. I just went through my first miscarriage (and my first 'pregnancy') it has been really rough, and even harder since I told people, though not on the blog... Anyways, I think it is so brave to talk about it, and to remember how COMMON this is- ack! no one told me how COMMON it was.
big hugs to you from one woman to another, across the blogisphere....

Lauren said...

I am so sorry, Sugarmama. Hugs to you.