A good friend of Husband's was over this afternoon with his wife and kids. It was very pleasant despite the rainy afternoon--the kids all ran around screaming, helping themselves to the plate of cookies in the kitchen at frequent intervals while the grown-ups sipped hot cider and tea (me and the other wife) or cold beer (the husbands) and talked.
These friends have 2 kids born 12 months and 2 weeks apart. They're 6 and 7 now and their crazy, newborn days are long over. The parents seem downright serene and content, so I asked the mom what advice she might have for me once I'm the mom of 2 very little ones. Her advice was damn funny. She told me right away, "Just don't go anywhere or do anything," which made me laugh. Of course! I mean, I knew that! It makes total sense. By the time you've got them both dressed and in clean diapers and their giant, shared diaper bag packed, and snacks packed, and then one of them needs another diaper change, and then you lug them both out of the house and buckle them both into car seats...well, it hardly seems like it'd be worth getting to where you're going. So this mom said, and I can see it.
Husband and I went to dinner at a different set of friends' house last night with both Sister and Bean in tow. We met this couple at the birth class we took when I was pregnant with Bean and they're the only ones we've kept in touch with. Their son is a month older than Bean, and they're now pregnant again, too, a month ahead of us again. While the guys talked techie stuff, I talked with the other wife about how she was feeling physically, how she anticipated her little son would handle it, how her last birth had gone and that sort of thing. She made it clear that it was freaking her out some, contemplating a second child with her first so young. When I mentioned this to Husband upon returning home, he asked me, surprised, "Are you freaking out about this?" To which I replied, "Uh, yeah. You're not?" And apparently he's not.
My first prenatal appointment is tomorrow and I'm wondering if I can let my mixed feelings show, or if I'm going to be asked annoying, leading questions like, "Are you so excited?!" from a beaming, midwife-intern type. What I really want is someone who's going to say to me knowingly, "Honey, you're in for it. Now here's what you need to do..." and who will then go on to tell me all their secret mommying tips for staying sane with 1 kid in school and 2 still at home. 'Cause I spend a fair amount of time worrying just how the hell I'm going to pull this off with any sort of grace or sweetness. Grandi, whose been-through-it-all grandmama perspective I find incredibly helpful and reassuring, commented on my last post that someday I'd have the privilege of hearing my kids talk over the dinner table about how much fun it all was. I just hope that's true and it's not them talking about what an absolute bitch I was, which frankly seems like the more likely scenario.
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4 comments:
You can do it. Honestly life with lots of kids is hard, and messy and insane. The first 6 months is the hardest and honestly- you just don't go anywhere or do anything. But it gets better- it really really does. My middle two are starting to play really well together though, which is really nice. I grew up in a house with 7 sisters and a brother- and while life was noisy and crazy it was fun. There is a bond that siblings have that can't be duplicated. In the immediate future two kids close will be hard- but in the long run it'll be worth it. You can do it. You're a strong, intellegint, capable woman. I have faith in you.
The best thing my midwife told me after I had A was about how one night she was so frustrated with her son who wouldn't stop crying. She told me she put him, not so gently in his crib, yelled "Just shut the *uck up alreaady!" and slammed the door. Now I know this woman is an amazing mother. So all the awful thoughts I was having and the frustration I was having didn't seem so bad knowing that someone like her could get frustrated too.
I think we just adapt to our situations. I'm sure it will be a challenge but you will totally be fine. I think your kids will have fabulous memories of what a great mother you were.
Oh, Sugarmama. I'm sure it's going to be a trainwreck for a little while, and then they'll entertain each other and actually make it EASIER for you to get stuff done. MY MIL has 4 that are really close together, and she said they just traveled in packs. I wish I knew what else to tell you.....
You really CAN do this Sugar!! Just keep your sense of humor and pick your battles! And although you will get frustrated and threaten to change your name from "mommy!!" to a secret that they won't be able to guess, I hope that putting them in their cribs - not so gently and yelling "shut the ---k up", won't be one of their earliest memories!! (Now that's just plain scary!)
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