Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Big question

I've been back from my fabulous beach vacation for 2 days now, but was so immediately plunged back into the daily grind that it's taken me this long to get to blogging again. I didn't think it would wear off THIS fast, dammit! Ah well. It was worth the back-to-real-life shock. We had 2 full days of having to do absolutely nothing. I read magazines I've been meaning to read. I wrote in my journal. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I damn well pleased, and didn't have to fix any for anyone else. I went to bed very late and got up late, too. Most strikingly to me, though it was a subtle thing, was that when I woke up in the morning I just lay there awhile. Opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling and thought quietly about things before I pulled back the covers. I can't remember the last time I did that.

But I'm mostly solidly back now. Not sleeping great because the baby's still, STILL not sleeping great. Rushing through mornings to try to get Sister out the door to school on time. Lunch packing. Homework supervising. Laundry folding. Sigh.

One of my friends asked me while I was there if I had any strategies for coping with things once spring rolls around and there's another little baby on the scene. The question stopped me cold as I realized how damn hard it's going to be to have 2 such young children. I told her that basically I would be kissing my own interests and hobbies goodbye for the next couple of years and just keeping my head down. I already don't have much time for doing the things I like to do, and soon I'll have zero time. I'm just glad that Sister will be almost 9 by then and perfectly capable--as she is now--of taking care of many things herself. She really is an incredible big sister.

But I don't mean to sound as if having this third child is something I don't want to do. I did want one last baby and if the timing was off by a couple of months that shouldn't be SO daunting. But I'm beginning to realize that it is very daunting indeed and asking myself, "What the hell have we done?!" Mixed feelings? You betcha.


Anonymous said...

I can understand your feelings. My kids are 4 1/2 years apart. I'm assuming you have even more of an age difference with your two. I see parents with children 18 months, 24 months etc. apart and wonder how they survive. But then there are times I really wish my children were closer in age. I'm sure you will be fine.

Mama D said...

Yeah. We are hoping (?) to be pregnant again within the next several months and I keep thinking "Is this really a good idea?" Especially when my husband and I are tired and grumpy and fighting over the stupidist things. Not to mention my boss has been less that accomidating about one child and I happen to know he is not happy about the fact that we are going to have another one. I know, I shouldn't care but... you know.

Glad you had a nice holiday though. You did totally deserve it!

Nikkie said...

I think about the same thing when I throw the idea of having a second one ever. I remember thinking tomyself "what the hell did I do" after having Boo, I can't imagine two just yet. I'm sure everything will work out, because we always have a way to get by.

cubmommy said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog. I am so glad I am not alone with these feelings.

We just have to believe everything is going to work out in the end.

Glad to hear that it is normal not to have any symptoms in early pregnancy. It was kind of freaking me out.

We can be each other's support and gripe buddies through this pregnancy.

"Grandi" said...

You will have a 3-ring circus for a few years in the beginning - keep your since of humor and plan breaks occasionally. You'll make it through and because the younger 2 will be closer in age, they will be great friends and playmates! Someday when they all gather around the Thanksgiving table and reminise about their childhood, everyone will laugh and remember how much fun you had!