The holidays are officially over for us now at the Sugarmama ranch. Our New Year's Day party is over and done with. We don't even have any left-over black-eyed peas and greens! I feel ready to move back into normal life again--getting up with Sister to get her to school, grocery shopping trips that don't include 10 pounds of sugar and 4 extra pounds of European-style butter, and normal spending habits all 'round. Cheers!
Unlike a lot of bloggers out there, I don't have a huge list of resolutions to post about. I gave up some time ago on using this time of year as an excuse for any sort of real effort at changing my life. And actually, as I mentioned in my post last night, I don't currently WANT to change much about my life. The single thing I'm resolving to do this year is to once and for all find a therapist to help me work through all the rancor I still feel towards my Ex and his mother. I feel like I have no perspective on whether the degree of bitterness I feel towards them is normal, but even if it WERE normal I just don't like having it sort of festering there in me, coloring my interactions with Sister sometimes, and keeping me from sleeping during weeks when the Ex is really jerking my chain. I'd really like to get rid of this, and since it's been 6-1/2 years since the Ex and I were even together it's pretty clear to me that it's not going to go away on its own. On the one hand, I love Sister fiercely, more than anyone on the planet except her little sister, and some part of me reasons that it's natural to be so jealous of someone I love that much. But on the other hand, I don't think anyone quite knows the dark extent that these emotions run to. I sometimes envision it as a big, nasty, glob of black gunk clogging me up. I can't take it anymore, y'all! Must....eliminate...nasty black...emotional gunk! (Wish me luck!)