Friday, August 15, 2008

Big juicy personal revelation with a side order of guilt

Yesterday was a good day. A very good day. The baby had woken me up the night before several times because of a stuffy nose, I had to rush the girls out of the house first thing in the morning, but still a very good day. The thing that was different? I got to go to work.

I met the babysitter at the new office and after Sweet P was tanked up with milk, the sitter whisked the girls away for a fabulous 2-1/2 tour of the wonders of downtown Mebane. (This woman is the childcare score of the century, by the way. Bean and Sweet P both adore her already, after only two afternoons with her.) I stayed at the office with Husband and our business partner and learned all about our new fabric printer. I learned something new! I hung out with grown-ups and made grown-up jokes! I thought about our business at length!

It was only later when I took the girls home and noticed how cheerful and optimistic I felt that I realized it was because I'd done something other than caring for my own children. Yeah, that's where the big helping of guilt comes in.

I don't think I need to say here that I adore my girls, but I'll say it anyway for the record. I'm crazy about them. They're wonderful, unique little people and I enjoy seeing how they evolve everyday. But I've been thinking this week that maybe I'm not doing such a great job with this stay-at-home mom thing. I've never been a patient person, I don't do the imaginative play thing very well, and you know what? Some days I am so bored I feel like I'm going a little crazy.

There. I said it.

I would really like to work a little while someone else takes care of my children. Not full-time or anything, but that's what I want very much.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you. I've been feeling the same way lately. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

-Durham Mom

kat said...

oh mama, there is no reason at all to feel guilty about this. you said it yourself - "I learned something new! I hung out with grown-ups and made grown-up jokes! I thought about our business at length!" I really don't think the reason you were feeling so cheerful and optimistic was because you weren't caring for your girls - it was because you WERE caring for yourSELF!! and ultimately, the better you care for your self, the better you care for your girls. there is not a damn thing in the world wrong with wanting some time out of the house, away from the sahm gig, to give yourself a bit of sanity. i say do it and do it guilt free. your girls will thank you for it later!

Piece of Work said...

I happen to know from reading this blog that you are MUCH better at imaginative play than I am. The most imaginative thing I do with my kids is play Candyland (oh good lord). I'll just say it: being around kids 24-7 is boring. I'm starting a 15 hour week job in september and I cannot WAIT to have something that is my own for a change. So I know exactly what you are feeling.
Congrats on the good babysitter!

chris said...

Me too.

Beth said...

Don't feel guilty!!! A happy woman makes a Happy Mama. and how lucky are you to find someone tot ake care of your kids that they actually LIKE??!!! That's a rare person right there....

YAYAYAYAY!

Joan said...

During our one encounter I would say you are very patient with them. I find I'm less patience with my kids as time goes on. I don't know if it's b/c I'm getting older, I expect more from them or a little of both. Even the best moms need a break sometimes. Perhaps this new arrangement will be the answer for you.

Mama D said...

Um. Yeah. This is me. Not right at the moment mind you. Currently I am enjoying being at home with the kids. (perhaps this has something to do with my chill baby) But I personally LOVE working part time. I find it to be the perfect balance.

I really don't think you should feel guilty. I think that any mother who says she doesn't get worn out and frustrated with day after day of staying home with her kids no matter how perfect they might be or how patient she is...would be lying. Looking after kids full time is like any other job - it does get old. We need variety. And like you said... adult conversation, being challenged, making adult jokes instead of the face making or funny voice variety... these are important things.

All it took was 2 1/2 hours and you were feeling so much better. I don't think that's too much to ask for.

Suburban Gorgon said...

Sweetheart, everybody wants to be a whole person, not just a momma. There is no reason for guilt.

devilish southern belle said...

Yay for good days! Perhaps part time work would be a godsend for you....that's always where I've been most comfortable.

Bina said...

Don't feel quilty. I HAVE to work, cause otherwise, I would go stir crazy and probably not be near the good mother that I KNOW I am. It's good to get out of the house and be with grown ups. It's what ALL adults should do, not just the men!

Amber said...

No guilt from me either. I'd do it in a heartbeat if I had a way to make it worth it financially...