Saturday, May 17, 2008

Talking smack about the new neighbors and hoping they don't find this blog!

From the snap judgments based on scanty evidence desk here at the cave, this just in. We have new neighbors across the street from us as of yesterday evening. The family consists of a very short papa, a very short and pinched looking mama, and the most luminously pallid 11-year old boy I have ever laid eyes on. They are about the honkiest family I've ever met. Have you ever seen Dave Chappelle's parodies of white people? I swear, they talk just like that!

And bless their hearts, they're home-schoolers, which explains the poor kid's extreme lack of color and muscle tone, plus the general air of smugness that wafts from the parents. We know a family just like them one street over, pallor, smugness, pinched wife, short daddy and all. We should probably take introductions in hand because God knows they'll probably never find each other, seeing as how the other neighbors at least never freaking leave their house. They could sit around and feel superior that their brilliant children are just too clever to attend the elementary school just around the corner.

This is bound to piss someone off out there, but hey! I warned you that it was superficial! I used to want to homeschool, but imagined my kids sun-burned, loud, robust, sassy, and self-confident as a result of their more free-form pursuits. Where's the excitement, neighbor honkies?

(Then why are you not homeschooling, bitch? you ask? Two words: too impatient. I know that about myself now.)


Joan said...

I only know 2 homeschooling families first hand. One family has their kids very involved in activities especially those during the day geared to homeschoolers. The other family has younger kids and they are outside all the time. The mom uses nature ASAP as an education tool. My poor public school educated daughter is the one stuck inside all day since her teacher takes away recess as punishment for the whole class.

oonaballoona said...

"Where's the excitement, neighbor honkies?
(Then why are you not homeschooling, bitch? you ask? Two words: too impatient. I know that about myself now.)"

this made me laugh out loud. hi-larious.

you know, homeschooling sounds kind of supremely evil to me. i went through the public school system in new jersey, for chrissakes, and i learned more there than in the 2 1/2 years spent at my fancy schmancy college. i dunno, while there are plenty of things about sending my kids off to school that will probably give me coronaries, i think it's so important to be around other kids. especially in this myspace/friendz/internet society. it's too easy to be secluded.

Beth said...

I thought about homeschooling ....for about a HOT second!!! NO WAY IN HELL!!! I LOVE to see my kids leave in the morning, and I love seeing them come home 8 hours later!!! Wooha for public school!!!!

Bina said...

Ha Ha Ha! Chris and I often wonder, while we are sitting outside, "Where in the HELL is every body?" No one seems to enjoy the outdoors much at all, and I am ALWAYS outside, when I can be.

Yea, I know a few parents who home school. WHY must they act like they are better than every one else? I don't get it. And no, I could NEVER home school. Patience for one, and kids NEED to be around other kids and enjoy social inter action. It's a MUST!!!!!!!!!!

Mama D said...

I have seen those Dave Chapelle sketches. So I do know what you mean. At least there is the entertainment factor.

Homeschooling. No. Way. For me anyways. said...

Gah, I would never have the patience to homeschool, either!

Joan said...

I meant to add I'm probably the worst parent on earth to home school especially with my son. Besides our personalities clashing as he has become a teenager, I don't understand his math! I find it hard to believe a parent or even both parents have enough knowledge to teach upper level high school courses in all subjects.