My, it has been awhile since my last post, hasn't it? And since my last comment to any of you. I haven't been utterly swallowed up in toddler hell, I assure you, though at times I've felt awfully close. Just busy with life as mama of three. After around seven weeks, I believe I'm getting the hang of it. Planning dinner before lunchtime helps. And I've found that I better start cooking around 4:00 to be sure that after a gajillion interruptions it might actually be ready by our 6:30 dinnertime. I do laundry less often, but I do enormous quantities of it when it happens. And I've figured out how to wipe Bean's poopy bottom after she visits the potty WHILE I'm nursing her baby sister, thank you very much.
It's definitely busy around here, and I once again celebrate wine o'clock every night to reward myself and, let's be honest, to keep from utterly blowing apart at the end of my very long days.
So given all that, are you surprised that I left the midwives' office last week after my very last pregnancy-related appointment ever in tears? I was surprised. My 6-week check-up this time around marks the end of my baby-making career and it makes me very sad. Do I really want a fourth child? I really don't. I want my body back and I want to believe that Husband and I could have the time and money to travel again one of these days. I also look forward to being the mother of adolescent, then teen-age, then grown-up girls.
But it's still hard to be done with babies.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Later
December 1st would've been a lovely, easy-to-remember birthday, but alas, that was NOT the birthday of our baby. December 2nd doesn't appear to be shaping up as her birthday either. This baby is officially 5 days late, and I'm feeling pretty damn down about it now. The waiting around trying to come up with busy work is hard. The pelvic pain, waddling, hormonal grumpiness, and water retention make it suck.
Husband and I thought she might be coming Friday night. I had pretty intense contractions starting at 9:45 pm, and since the midwife had stripped my membranes that afternoon it felt like things were happening down there. The contractions were 9 minutes apart and about a minute and a half long for two hours...and then just stopped. At the time, I was sorta grateful because I'd been up since 3:30 that morning, just unable to go back to sleep. I was exhausted, thinking it probably wouldn't go well with me that tired. I decided to lie down to rest and started falling asleep between contractions. Finally they must have just stopped coming and I stayed asleep. I woke up the next morning thinking, "Shit! I shouldn't have lay down! Maybe I could've kept it going!" But maybe I couldn't have. Probably I couldn't have. If I had any control over labor I would've had this baby a couple of weeks ago.
Anyways. It'll be exciting to meet this new little girl and see what she looks like and all. But really all I can think are more selfish thoughts about how much I want not to be pregnant anymore.
Husband and I thought she might be coming Friday night. I had pretty intense contractions starting at 9:45 pm, and since the midwife had stripped my membranes that afternoon it felt like things were happening down there. The contractions were 9 minutes apart and about a minute and a half long for two hours...and then just stopped. At the time, I was sorta grateful because I'd been up since 3:30 that morning, just unable to go back to sleep. I was exhausted, thinking it probably wouldn't go well with me that tired. I decided to lie down to rest and started falling asleep between contractions. Finally they must have just stopped coming and I stayed asleep. I woke up the next morning thinking, "Shit! I shouldn't have lay down! Maybe I could've kept it going!" But maybe I couldn't have. Probably I couldn't have. If I had any control over labor I would've had this baby a couple of weeks ago.
Anyways. It'll be exciting to meet this new little girl and see what she looks like and all. But really all I can think are more selfish thoughts about how much I want not to be pregnant anymore.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Something completely different
Still no baby. Dammit.
It's a dreary day outside, Bean is indulging in a brutal new temper tantrum phase, and I'm in need of some novelty to take my mind off my enormity and sore pelvic bones. A friend is bringing over her 2 kids and some empanadas in a couple of hours, bless her, and Bean and I whipped up a (ahem) congealed salad just for kicks. That's Jell-o salad for you non-Southerners out there. Got the recipe right out of my local garden club's cookbook which lists about a dozen different Jell-o salad options.
I don't know why the prospect of Jell-o has been lurking in my mental periphery lately as something delicious and desirable, but it has. I haven't made Jell-o since I was about eye level with the kitchen counter and it was a big deal to help my mom make it. Chalk it up to nesting, I guess. Once it sets up, it's going to be such a fabulous afternoon snack, though!
It's a dreary day outside, Bean is indulging in a brutal new temper tantrum phase, and I'm in need of some novelty to take my mind off my enormity and sore pelvic bones. A friend is bringing over her 2 kids and some empanadas in a couple of hours, bless her, and Bean and I whipped up a (ahem) congealed salad just for kicks. That's Jell-o salad for you non-Southerners out there. Got the recipe right out of my local garden club's cookbook which lists about a dozen different Jell-o salad options.
I don't know why the prospect of Jell-o has been lurking in my mental periphery lately as something delicious and desirable, but it has. I haven't made Jell-o since I was about eye level with the kitchen counter and it was a big deal to help my mom make it. Chalk it up to nesting, I guess. Once it sets up, it's going to be such a fabulous afternoon snack, though!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
No news
For those of you checking up on me, I still haven't had the baby. Today is my due date, so my hope is that within the next 10 days--which is how late Sister was--I will have had her. But not yet. And absolutely no sign or feeling that it will happen soon. If anyone says to me, "No one's ever been pregnant forever," one more time I'll reach through the screen and slap them.
I've been trying to keep myself busy with plans each day so as not to obsess too much. On the agenda today: a trip to the grocery store for some things we don't really need right this minute and a drive to Raleigh to pick up some Girl Scout badges ordered for a meeting on 12/7. Woo-hoo! the PTA's pizza and bingo night is happening tonight at Sister's school, so we're planning to go to that, too, though I dread enduring the "why-are-YOU-still-here?!" themed repartee I'll be hearing from all the other parents there (who should know better anyway).
It's the long, dark night of the pregnant woman's soul here, y'all.
I've been trying to keep myself busy with plans each day so as not to obsess too much. On the agenda today: a trip to the grocery store for some things we don't really need right this minute and a drive to Raleigh to pick up some Girl Scout badges ordered for a meeting on 12/7. Woo-hoo! the PTA's pizza and bingo night is happening tonight at Sister's school, so we're planning to go to that, too, though I dread enduring the "why-are-YOU-still-here?!" themed repartee I'll be hearing from all the other parents there (who should know better anyway).
It's the long, dark night of the pregnant woman's soul here, y'all.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Yet more pregnancy whining
Earlier today, Bean and I were waiting in line at Target behind another mama with her 1-1/2 year old son. He began squalling about something, prompting Bean to scowl at him and boom fiercely, "NO! Settle down!" And prompting me to think to myself, "Jeez, do I sound like that?" And I have to assume that I must, especially lately as my self-pity at being so massive and uncomfortable deepens.
My newest pregnancy symptom is genuine pain down around where I imagine my cervix to be. The baby puts herself in some weird position--like with an elbow inserted into the middle of that little internal donut--and wiggles there, causing me to suck my breath in through my teeth and stop whatever it is I'm doing to very theatrically clutch my lower abdomen. It's not just twinges here and there either, it goes on for hours at a time before it pauses a little while. I assure you, I am neither a wimp nor a drama queen, having acquitted myself damn well through two natural childbirths. But this frickin' hurts and I don't want to have to go through this for the next 2 weeks before going through labor, fer chrissakes! (Insert big, whiny, ugly mama temper tantrum here.)
My newest pregnancy symptom is genuine pain down around where I imagine my cervix to be. The baby puts herself in some weird position--like with an elbow inserted into the middle of that little internal donut--and wiggles there, causing me to suck my breath in through my teeth and stop whatever it is I'm doing to very theatrically clutch my lower abdomen. It's not just twinges here and there either, it goes on for hours at a time before it pauses a little while. I assure you, I am neither a wimp nor a drama queen, having acquitted myself damn well through two natural childbirths. But this frickin' hurts and I don't want to have to go through this for the next 2 weeks before going through labor, fer chrissakes! (Insert big, whiny, ugly mama temper tantrum here.)
Thursday, November 15, 2007
How NOT to have a baby, or tried and untrue DIY labor induction methods
No, I still haven't had this baby yet and am trying hard to be patient, knowing that this one will likely be late like my others. Sister was 10 days tardy and Bean, 8 days. With a due date of 11/27 this time around, I'm trying to resign myself to having a large-ish Sagittarius baby rather than a nice, petite Scorpio. It's hard not to hope that somehow things will go differently this time.
Just for laughs, I thought I'd put out there the different things I've tried before to get my late-lingering infants born already. This is partly to remind myself of what not to bother with and partly to fend off any well-meaning readers who have tips that may have worked for them, but which did not provoke my previously reluctant uterus to just get on with things. Here goes:
Castor oil: Supposedly works by stimulating bowel contractions and thereby sympathetic uterine contractions that turn into labor. In reality? Castor oil is some nasty ass shit that makes you have...well, nasty ass shit, actually. It's a powerful laxative that tastes foul, even in the peach ice cream milkshake recommended to me by whatever moron I was listening to when Sister was persisting in my belly. I'll never do that again!
Enemas: Was I butt-obsessed back then? I don't think so, but somehow I thought that trying an enema a few days after trying the wretchedly unsuccessful castor oil was a good idea. Again, just a lot of poop and no baby, with the added humiliation of having to stand in line at the drugstore with an enema box.
Nipple stimulation: By me, I mean, not by Husband. If you're using this as a labor stimulating measure, it's supposed to be for a long time--like, 15 minutes out of every hour for several hours per day. Who has the time? Not me, not anymore. I remember trying this when pregnant with Bean, on nights when we were watching movies. Husband could be absorbed in the movie and I could feel less self-conscious. Yes, it produced pretty intense contractions, but who knows if it contributed anything towards uterus readiness? An unmistakably late baby seems to indicate it didn't.
Blue and black cohosh drops: Recommended to me by my midwives when pregnant with Bean. I seem to remember they had me on a regimen of several drops per night, alternating the type. Icky, but seemed harmless and wasn't too expensive. Probably won't go out of my way to use it this time, though. Again, a late baby seems to indicate it just isn't worth even the $15 or so I spent on the drops at Whole Foods.
Sex: Semen contains prostaglandins, which are cervix-ripening hormones. A handy fact that husbands of pregnant women love, have you noticed? Sex is still nice if I can conjure up the mental fortitude to forget about my enormous belly and now perpetually engorged nethers. But doing it to stimulate labor introduces mental pressure that sorta kills the fragile mood. I'll do it for love, but not for labor.
Long walks: I walked A LOT toward the end of my pregnancy with Bean, briskly, up and down the hills around my neighborhood til my hips hurt and I wore myself out. It did nothing but make me tired. Oh, alright, I suppose it's just good to be getting some exercise in, but who wants to walk briskly when you're 40 pounds heavier than you're used to and there's a head rolling around among your pelvic bones? I'd rather rest on the couch and twiddle my nipples.
Evening primrose oil: This is something that my midwives are recommending to me this time around. I'm supposed to be taking 1000 mg orally and 500 mg inserted as a vaginal suppository every night. I was told not to start this til after 37 weeks which sounds promising, right? Like something might happen too early if you do go ahead and take it? But so far, after almost a week and a half, nothing. I suppose it's early enough still to say that the verdict is still out on this one. At least it also falls into the seems-harmless-and-not-too-expensive category.
That's all I'm remembering now, but isn't that enough to have tried and failed with before? I think so. This time, I'll just try--try hard!--to skip the angst, cultivate patience, and enjoy all the things I can do without a newborn on the scene just yet. Things like not having two sets of diapers to change, getting sleep interrupted only by two 30-second trips to the bathroom rather than a few half-hour-long nursing sessions, getting showers roughly when I want them, that sort of thing. I mean, I'll miss this when it's gone, right?
Just for laughs, I thought I'd put out there the different things I've tried before to get my late-lingering infants born already. This is partly to remind myself of what not to bother with and partly to fend off any well-meaning readers who have tips that may have worked for them, but which did not provoke my previously reluctant uterus to just get on with things. Here goes:
Castor oil: Supposedly works by stimulating bowel contractions and thereby sympathetic uterine contractions that turn into labor. In reality? Castor oil is some nasty ass shit that makes you have...well, nasty ass shit, actually. It's a powerful laxative that tastes foul, even in the peach ice cream milkshake recommended to me by whatever moron I was listening to when Sister was persisting in my belly. I'll never do that again!
Enemas: Was I butt-obsessed back then? I don't think so, but somehow I thought that trying an enema a few days after trying the wretchedly unsuccessful castor oil was a good idea. Again, just a lot of poop and no baby, with the added humiliation of having to stand in line at the drugstore with an enema box.
Nipple stimulation: By me, I mean, not by Husband. If you're using this as a labor stimulating measure, it's supposed to be for a long time--like, 15 minutes out of every hour for several hours per day. Who has the time? Not me, not anymore. I remember trying this when pregnant with Bean, on nights when we were watching movies. Husband could be absorbed in the movie and I could feel less self-conscious. Yes, it produced pretty intense contractions, but who knows if it contributed anything towards uterus readiness? An unmistakably late baby seems to indicate it didn't.
Blue and black cohosh drops: Recommended to me by my midwives when pregnant with Bean. I seem to remember they had me on a regimen of several drops per night, alternating the type. Icky, but seemed harmless and wasn't too expensive. Probably won't go out of my way to use it this time, though. Again, a late baby seems to indicate it just isn't worth even the $15 or so I spent on the drops at Whole Foods.
Sex: Semen contains prostaglandins, which are cervix-ripening hormones. A handy fact that husbands of pregnant women love, have you noticed? Sex is still nice if I can conjure up the mental fortitude to forget about my enormous belly and now perpetually engorged nethers. But doing it to stimulate labor introduces mental pressure that sorta kills the fragile mood. I'll do it for love, but not for labor.
Long walks: I walked A LOT toward the end of my pregnancy with Bean, briskly, up and down the hills around my neighborhood til my hips hurt and I wore myself out. It did nothing but make me tired. Oh, alright, I suppose it's just good to be getting some exercise in, but who wants to walk briskly when you're 40 pounds heavier than you're used to and there's a head rolling around among your pelvic bones? I'd rather rest on the couch and twiddle my nipples.
Evening primrose oil: This is something that my midwives are recommending to me this time around. I'm supposed to be taking 1000 mg orally and 500 mg inserted as a vaginal suppository every night. I was told not to start this til after 37 weeks which sounds promising, right? Like something might happen too early if you do go ahead and take it? But so far, after almost a week and a half, nothing. I suppose it's early enough still to say that the verdict is still out on this one. At least it also falls into the seems-harmless-and-not-too-expensive category.
That's all I'm remembering now, but isn't that enough to have tried and failed with before? I think so. This time, I'll just try--try hard!--to skip the angst, cultivate patience, and enjoy all the things I can do without a newborn on the scene just yet. Things like not having two sets of diapers to change, getting sleep interrupted only by two 30-second trips to the bathroom rather than a few half-hour-long nursing sessions, getting showers roughly when I want them, that sort of thing. I mean, I'll miss this when it's gone, right?
Friday, November 09, 2007
Near the end
1-1/2 centimeters dilated, 39 pounds gained (so far), 2 wakings in the middle of each night to pee, and 18 more days til my due date. But I'm ready NOW.
I may feel differently in a few hours when Husband leaves town to go run the Richmond marathon. Richmond is only about a 3-hour drive from Chapel Hill, and when Husband originally sounded me out about leaving on a trip this close to my due date I thought I was okay about it. But my dreams 2 nights ago were all about me going into labor while Husband wasn't here to help me, so perhaps on some level I guess I am worried about the possibility. Still, now that my rational, daytime mind has taken over, I think I could almost welcome this if I could only get my non-pregnant body back. Tonight would be just fine, whether Husband is here for the first few hours or not. Bring on the sleep deprivation from waking every few hours to nurse a newborn! Bring on three needy, clamoring kids instead of just two! Bring on soreness, difficult labor, stitches, and blood!
I just.want.to.not.be.pregnant.
I may feel differently in a few hours when Husband leaves town to go run the Richmond marathon. Richmond is only about a 3-hour drive from Chapel Hill, and when Husband originally sounded me out about leaving on a trip this close to my due date I thought I was okay about it. But my dreams 2 nights ago were all about me going into labor while Husband wasn't here to help me, so perhaps on some level I guess I am worried about the possibility. Still, now that my rational, daytime mind has taken over, I think I could almost welcome this if I could only get my non-pregnant body back. Tonight would be just fine, whether Husband is here for the first few hours or not. Bring on the sleep deprivation from waking every few hours to nurse a newborn! Bring on three needy, clamoring kids instead of just two! Bring on soreness, difficult labor, stitches, and blood!
I just.want.to.not.be.pregnant.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
I want out
I have been laid low by life lately. This whole month has been busy with various events, and even the fun stuff leaves me utterly exhausted. A trip to the pumpkin patch and picnic with friends, an evening potluck with interesting people, a playgroup kid's birthday party, dinner out with Husband for our anniversary--everything is tiring to me now. I'm 36 weeks pregnant now, enormously fat, and I don't give a shit how dirty the house is, how much food I have prepared in the freezer, or what sort of labor I might be looking forward to. I want.this.baby.out.
Pregnancy is not for those of "advanced maternal age" like myself, apparently.
Pregnancy is not for those of "advanced maternal age" like myself, apparently.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Big mama, big car
Today is one of those days where, when I lay in bed last night trying to fall asleep, I couldn't for thinking of all that I had to get done once I woke up. Mostly stupid Girl Scout paperwork which naturally involves me hounding parents to get me their frickin' forms and checks. Everyone's just too damn busy to fill them out, I guess, but I'm a stay-at-home mom so I've got assloads of time to be making extra phone calls or even driving to people's houses to pick the forms up for them--I'll just skip my soap operas and bon-bon eating and no problem. Love the girls, but many of their parents suck. I always did hate managing people.
But even if I do have to do some driving this afternoon in order to extract the items I need from slack-ass parents, I at least get to do it in my new minivan! Beth asked me for pictures, but as it happens our camera is mysteriously malfunctioning all of a sudden--perhaps from sippy cup spillage in my purse? Who knows, but anyways here is someone else's minivan and ours looks just like it but is dark blue with a few scratches, being already well-used by another family for the past 2 years. We picked it up late yesterday afternoon and were the ONLY people in line at the NC Department of Motor Vehicles, which clearly is a sign that the gods approve of us getting a minivan, 'cause right after we walked in, no fewer than 6 people got in line behind us. See? It's destiny and I can feel okay saying I might love this car.
My favorite minivan features today are stereo controls on the steering wheel, a sliding door that opens and closes all on its own, and 8 bajillion cupholders scattered throughout the vehicle. Bean's favorite feature is being able to stand completely upright in it and also the little cubby spot in the back that happens when you fold part of the back seat down. It's the perfect size for a 2-1/2 year old to curl up in and chat to herself.
Sister loves the "bookholders" in the back--and God knows what the hell she's going to start storing back there given the amount of shit I cleaned out of her side of the old car today--foreign money, index cards with runes written on them, half of a paperback book, marbles, ketchup, a pencil sharpener, a baggie of trail mix...a lot of shit.
Other things about my day: my first purchase EVER of maternity underwear today. Yes, I really needed it because both my belly and my ass are just that huge all of a sudden. Also a pair of black knit maternity pants that I think I'll just plan to live in for the next 2 months since I can't get away with wearing a waistband-less sack. Does the fact that I've outgrown many of my cute maternity pants mean that I refrained from indulging in a sudden jones for a bacon-egg-and-cheese biscuit, hash browns, and Coke for second breakfast this morning? Hell no! I'm gunning for 50 pounds, y'all!
But even if I do have to do some driving this afternoon in order to extract the items I need from slack-ass parents, I at least get to do it in my new minivan! Beth asked me for pictures, but as it happens our camera is mysteriously malfunctioning all of a sudden--perhaps from sippy cup spillage in my purse? Who knows, but anyways here is someone else's minivan and ours looks just like it but is dark blue with a few scratches, being already well-used by another family for the past 2 years. We picked it up late yesterday afternoon and were the ONLY people in line at the NC Department of Motor Vehicles, which clearly is a sign that the gods approve of us getting a minivan, 'cause right after we walked in, no fewer than 6 people got in line behind us. See? It's destiny and I can feel okay saying I might love this car.
My favorite minivan features today are stereo controls on the steering wheel, a sliding door that opens and closes all on its own, and 8 bajillion cupholders scattered throughout the vehicle. Bean's favorite feature is being able to stand completely upright in it and also the little cubby spot in the back that happens when you fold part of the back seat down. It's the perfect size for a 2-1/2 year old to curl up in and chat to herself.
Sister loves the "bookholders" in the back--and God knows what the hell she's going to start storing back there given the amount of shit I cleaned out of her side of the old car today--foreign money, index cards with runes written on them, half of a paperback book, marbles, ketchup, a pencil sharpener, a baggie of trail mix...a lot of shit.
Other things about my day: my first purchase EVER of maternity underwear today. Yes, I really needed it because both my belly and my ass are just that huge all of a sudden. Also a pair of black knit maternity pants that I think I'll just plan to live in for the next 2 months since I can't get away with wearing a waistband-less sack. Does the fact that I've outgrown many of my cute maternity pants mean that I refrained from indulging in a sudden jones for a bacon-egg-and-cheese biscuit, hash browns, and Coke for second breakfast this morning? Hell no! I'm gunning for 50 pounds, y'all!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Not ready
I woke up this morning at 6:00 am with a full bladder and a sense of panic that there was SO much to do before this baby is born. We have to get Bean transitioned to her big girl bed in order to free up the crib (and in enough time to disassociate this event with the baby's arrival). We need to go pick up the freezer that a friend has offered to give us so that I can stockpile it with food. We need to move a lot of furniture around and reconfigure closets. I need to pull down baby clothes from their storage place in the attic and wash them. I need to pack a suitcase, set up cloth diaper service, and figure out some scenarios for who will stay with my girls if I happen to go into labor in the middle of the night.
Suddenly the new baby's arrival seems imminent. While I'm uncomfortable enough now to look forward to the end of my pregnancy, I'm decidedly NOT ready to have her come just yet.
And still no name picked out for her...
Suddenly the new baby's arrival seems imminent. While I'm uncomfortable enough now to look forward to the end of my pregnancy, I'm decidedly NOT ready to have her come just yet.
And still no name picked out for her...
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Big fat toad mama
I knew it was going to be bad when I noticed my thighs rub together now when I walk. But a 10-pound weight gain in the 6 weeks since my last prenatal appointment?!
And I thought I'd be gaining LESS than the 40 pounds that I gained with Bean!
And I thought I'd be gaining LESS than the 40 pounds that I gained with Bean!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Today I'm trying to...
...prevent many dying garden plants from completely giving up.
...maintain my equilibrium in the face of very interrupted sleep and a very cranky and still somewhat sick Bean.
...find a happy mama place before Sister gets home from school.
...determine where the hell the ants all over my kitchen counter are coming from and what they could possibly be after. There are no crumbs! The cookie jar is empty!
...free-motion quilt the new baby's blanket on my mysteriously uncooperative machine.
...plan the meeting for Sister's Girl Scout troop parents at my house tomorrow night, made difficult by the fact that half of them STILL haven't responded to a couple of emails now. (I wish everyone checked their email as often as I do, dammit.)
...make a delicious dinner of cheese-coated fried pork chops with madeira sauce, mashed potatoes, and steamed broccoli.
...feel unconcerned that I still have between 13 and 15 weeks to go of feeling this uncomfortably pregnant. (It will only get worse.)
This mama is trying.
...maintain my equilibrium in the face of very interrupted sleep and a very cranky and still somewhat sick Bean.
...find a happy mama place before Sister gets home from school.
...determine where the hell the ants all over my kitchen counter are coming from and what they could possibly be after. There are no crumbs! The cookie jar is empty!
...free-motion quilt the new baby's blanket on my mysteriously uncooperative machine.
...plan the meeting for Sister's Girl Scout troop parents at my house tomorrow night, made difficult by the fact that half of them STILL haven't responded to a couple of emails now. (I wish everyone checked their email as often as I do, dammit.)
...make a delicious dinner of cheese-coated fried pork chops with madeira sauce, mashed potatoes, and steamed broccoli.
...feel unconcerned that I still have between 13 and 15 weeks to go of feeling this uncomfortably pregnant. (It will only get worse.)
This mama is trying.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Nesting
I'm still here and blogging on my cute, new MacBook from the sofa--woo-hoo! Husband felt the need to go out and purchase a swank and tiny little computer to tote around in London while he was gone last week, but justified it as my home laptop to replace my very old, refurbished dinosaur of a laptop. I get the sense that it's way fancier a computer than I need or can really appreciate--mainly I'm just psyched that it has enough battery power to enable me to use it somewhere other than our desk.
I managed to make it through last week and Husband's absence, but just barely. By Thursday I was beginning to lose it from all of Bean's night wakings and Sister's attitude. He got home Friday, so I don't think I had too much time to be an absolute bitch mama. I still don't feel entirely caught up on my sleep, but I think that may be because I'm getting on in my pregnancy. I'm at 25 weeks now, feeling suddenly large, and beginning to slow down a tad.
Since I've now finished the last Harry Potter, I'm going full steam ahead with sewing projects. I need to finish a rug I'm making for a friend, and after that it's baby quilt and flannel blanket-fest. Also, cute, doll quilt wall hangings and new pillow covers for the baby's room-fest. Oh, and new baby bib-fest. Plus some hand-sewn toys.
Ack! So many ideas! But it IS fun to nest, isn't it?
I managed to make it through last week and Husband's absence, but just barely. By Thursday I was beginning to lose it from all of Bean's night wakings and Sister's attitude. He got home Friday, so I don't think I had too much time to be an absolute bitch mama. I still don't feel entirely caught up on my sleep, but I think that may be because I'm getting on in my pregnancy. I'm at 25 weeks now, feeling suddenly large, and beginning to slow down a tad.
Since I've now finished the last Harry Potter, I'm going full steam ahead with sewing projects. I need to finish a rug I'm making for a friend, and after that it's baby quilt and flannel blanket-fest. Also, cute, doll quilt wall hangings and new pillow covers for the baby's room-fest. Oh, and new baby bib-fest. Plus some hand-sewn toys.
Ack! So many ideas! But it IS fun to nest, isn't it?
Monday, July 23, 2007
What are people thinking?
While we were at the beach, my uncle's bitchy wife said something that made me realize I was potentially in for 18 more weeks of rudeness from random people who think other people's lives are their business to freely comment on.
What happened was, we were all sitting around in the beach house living room chatting. Someone asked Husband and I if we'd decided on a name for baby girl #3 yet. We told them no but we'd welcome suggestions if they had any. My mom tossed out a few, another aunt suggested something, and then the bitchy aunt said, "How about, 'Oh no, another girl'?"
I yelled back at her, "What the hell's wrong with girls?", surprised that she, a mother of a girl herself and--hello! a former girl!--would say such a thing. Fortunately, she didn't pursue it any further.
This isn't the first time with this pregnancy that people have acted weird or said stupid things to me. Having a third child--and a third girl--has meant I've received several rude comments that I didn't get the first two times around. People were all dewy-eyed when I was pregnant with my first and second, but seem to feel that I'm just going too far, being too decadent or something with a third. For the most part, people are just stopped short and frowningly say, "Oh!" when informed that this is my third baby. And no gooey congratulations, needless to say. If they find out it's another girl, then they also express sympathy for me that it's not the boy that they assume we were trying for. We weren't. We just wanted a third kid.
I suppose no matter what, people are going to have opinions about how you run your life. Why is it, though, that the sight of a pregnant woman makes them want to say them out loud?
What happened was, we were all sitting around in the beach house living room chatting. Someone asked Husband and I if we'd decided on a name for baby girl #3 yet. We told them no but we'd welcome suggestions if they had any. My mom tossed out a few, another aunt suggested something, and then the bitchy aunt said, "How about, 'Oh no, another girl'?"
I yelled back at her, "What the hell's wrong with girls?", surprised that she, a mother of a girl herself and--hello! a former girl!--would say such a thing. Fortunately, she didn't pursue it any further.
This isn't the first time with this pregnancy that people have acted weird or said stupid things to me. Having a third child--and a third girl--has meant I've received several rude comments that I didn't get the first two times around. People were all dewy-eyed when I was pregnant with my first and second, but seem to feel that I'm just going too far, being too decadent or something with a third. For the most part, people are just stopped short and frowningly say, "Oh!" when informed that this is my third baby. And no gooey congratulations, needless to say. If they find out it's another girl, then they also express sympathy for me that it's not the boy that they assume we were trying for. We weren't. We just wanted a third kid.
I suppose no matter what, people are going to have opinions about how you run your life. Why is it, though, that the sight of a pregnant woman makes them want to say them out loud?
Friday, June 29, 2007
What to say
I haven't meant to take quite such a long blogging hiatus. Sister's been at the beach with her dad all this week and rather than her absence providing me with a break, I've found instead that Bean's been requiring quite a bit more of my time than I was expecting. Sister keeps Bean entertained much more frequently than I realize, I think.
But the other thing occupying my mind lately is a friend in the intensive care unit of the hospital. She's got very aggressive thryroid cancer and isn't going to last much longer. She may be moving to a hospice facility today, but I'm still waiting to hear from another friend if that's the case.
I have known my sick friend for about 15 years now, but we haven't been in contact much since our lives diverged. She's an ardent feminist and activist, never married or shacked up, never had kids or even pets. I, on the other hand,...well, here I am a stay-at-home mama, pregnant with my 3rd baby and engrossed lately in another quilting project. I love her, but our lives haven't have had much in common for some years. Even the restaurant business fell away as something we both shared.
Still, I visited her in the hospital the other night and it was devastating to see her just dying right in front of me. I spent that night dreaming dark dreams of her and hospitals. My life isn't on hold like certain of her other, closer friends' lives are right now. She has nearly 'round the clock company from her many other friends, none of whom have children. Nevertheless, I've found myself unmotivated to blog about the trivial details of my life just now. Vacations, summer colds, Bean's new tricks, and even the fact that I learned I'm pregnant with daughter #3 on Monday seem like very light fare indeed compared to an old friend dying in the hospital.
But the other thing occupying my mind lately is a friend in the intensive care unit of the hospital. She's got very aggressive thryroid cancer and isn't going to last much longer. She may be moving to a hospice facility today, but I'm still waiting to hear from another friend if that's the case.
I have known my sick friend for about 15 years now, but we haven't been in contact much since our lives diverged. She's an ardent feminist and activist, never married or shacked up, never had kids or even pets. I, on the other hand,...well, here I am a stay-at-home mama, pregnant with my 3rd baby and engrossed lately in another quilting project. I love her, but our lives haven't have had much in common for some years. Even the restaurant business fell away as something we both shared.
Still, I visited her in the hospital the other night and it was devastating to see her just dying right in front of me. I spent that night dreaming dark dreams of her and hospitals. My life isn't on hold like certain of her other, closer friends' lives are right now. She has nearly 'round the clock company from her many other friends, none of whom have children. Nevertheless, I've found myself unmotivated to blog about the trivial details of my life just now. Vacations, summer colds, Bean's new tricks, and even the fact that I learned I'm pregnant with daughter #3 on Monday seem like very light fare indeed compared to an old friend dying in the hospital.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Not just fat
My belly is definitely expanding now. In the middle of my 15th week, I am very ready for this to happen. I curretnly have only 3 outfits I can wear without looking like I'm either bursting out of my clothes or swimming in them. One outfit is a non-maternity black babydoll dress with short black leggings. One is a big sack of a vintage dress that I've only ever used as an inside the house dress during the summer because it's that shapeless. And one is a linen smock top and pair of olive green maternity capri pants that for the first time this morning did not feel as if I'd have to spend all day hitching them up.
I outgrew my regular pants and skirts a few weeks ago, but what few maternity clothes I have left from my summer pregnancy with Sister are either extremely dated, extremely ugly, or just gone now. I've got a few dresses left that still look like tents on me and a few maternity tank tops that look unacceptably baggy right now.
All in all, it takes me quite a long time to get dressed in the mornings and it's damn disheartening. I'm looking forward to looking really pregnant in a few weeks rather than just really stupid.
I outgrew my regular pants and skirts a few weeks ago, but what few maternity clothes I have left from my summer pregnancy with Sister are either extremely dated, extremely ugly, or just gone now. I've got a few dresses left that still look like tents on me and a few maternity tank tops that look unacceptably baggy right now.
All in all, it takes me quite a long time to get dressed in the mornings and it's damn disheartening. I'm looking forward to looking really pregnant in a few weeks rather than just really stupid.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Still pregnant
I went to my second midwife appointment today and was relieved all over again when she heard the baby's heartbeat without a problem. I had a few hours of paranoia beforehand, imagining that it all would've gone wrong again, but everything's fine. I'm not sure when this will really stop becoming an issue with me. Maybe next appointment?
Tonight, though, Husband and Sister and I perused a book of baby names and had great fun tossing out names we liked and mercilessly mocking those that were stupid. Sister really likes Bert and Maximus. Ahem. These are a vast improvement over her choices of Star Blossom and Sparkles for Bean, however, so I'm going easy on her.
Tonight, though, Husband and Sister and I perused a book of baby names and had great fun tossing out names we liked and mercilessly mocking those that were stupid. Sister really likes Bert and Maximus. Ahem. These are a vast improvement over her choices of Star Blossom and Sparkles for Bean, however, so I'm going easy on her.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Spilling it
Okay, it's at last time for me to 'fess up here about why I've really been so tired--not just from sleep-deprivation and gardening--and cranky--not just from SAHM malaise--for the past couple of months. Ready, all 3 of you out there?
I'm pregnant again.
I'm 13 weeks along with a perfect ultrasound, blood test, and midwife visit behind me, so I'm feeling pretty confident that this pregnancy is going to be okay. (Quick--knock on wood for me!) Sister is so excited she went to school the morning after we told her and announced it to her entire 3rd-grade class. Husband is letting himself be excited now that the danger of miscarriage seems to be past, and even Bean has been talking about me having a baby in my belly and how she wants a baby in her belly, too.
I'm settling in to feeling pretty excited myself.
I'm pregnant again.
I'm 13 weeks along with a perfect ultrasound, blood test, and midwife visit behind me, so I'm feeling pretty confident that this pregnancy is going to be okay. (Quick--knock on wood for me!) Sister is so excited she went to school the morning after we told her and announced it to her entire 3rd-grade class. Husband is letting himself be excited now that the danger of miscarriage seems to be past, and even Bean has been talking about me having a baby in my belly and how she wants a baby in her belly, too.
I'm settling in to feeling pretty excited myself.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Trying again
Husband and I are talking about getting pregnant again. Or rather, we've both mentioned it in passing while discussing new health insurance policies, Bean's development and such. As for talking about our hopes for another baby...well, we're both too scared of another miscarriage to talk about it like that.
Next week, we're going to a genetic counselling appointment so that Husband can be tested for the cystic fibrosis gene that I carry. If the news is good--and the odds are that it will be--then we'll try again. I don't know yet if I'll talk about being pregnant quite so early. It's difficult to go back and tell everyone that you're no longer pregnant if the worst happens. But having no one know about it all doesn't sound too appealing either.
Next week, we're going to a genetic counselling appointment so that Husband can be tested for the cystic fibrosis gene that I carry. If the news is good--and the odds are that it will be--then we'll try again. I don't know yet if I'll talk about being pregnant quite so early. It's difficult to go back and tell everyone that you're no longer pregnant if the worst happens. But having no one know about it all doesn't sound too appealing either.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Free time
This was a gorgeous, windy, bright fall day here in NC. I spent most of it indoors, unfortunately, stuck in a whole day's worth of Girl Scout leader training. The morning session was 4 solid hours and the afternoon class was a jam-packed 3 hours. By the end of it, I was information saturated and I think my eyes were literally glazing over. By the time 4:00 rolled around, I kept having to read the same sentence in our books several times before I could comprehend it. But in between those 2 grueling sessions I had an hour and a half lunch break. A whole hour and a half to myself where I wasn't expected to be at home or anywhere else, where the kids were taken care of, and I could do what I pleased.
I was practically delirious with the restaurant options for my solitary lunch.
My grilled reuben dripping with Russian dressing, pastrami hangings, and yummy sauerkraut was delicious, and the cannoli I had afterwards was tongue-shockingly sweet, creamy, and crunchy all at once. Because the deli was take-out only, I ate it all in my car with the windows rolled down to catch the stiff breeze. I licked my fingers afterwards.
But possibly even more delicious than that was the walk I took to a nearby park afterwards. The weather was, as I mentioned, lovely for a brisk walk, and with a little time to myself I fully realized that I am pregnant. It sunk in today. I noticed that I felt poochy today, though granted that was probably because of my recently gobbled lunch.
It wasn't just that, though. I just felt pregnant all of a sudden, sort of roundish and full of busy cells and blood and life.
This is the last time I'll be going through pregnancy, and I was so glad to have a bit of free time to pay attention.
I was practically delirious with the restaurant options for my solitary lunch.
My grilled reuben dripping with Russian dressing, pastrami hangings, and yummy sauerkraut was delicious, and the cannoli I had afterwards was tongue-shockingly sweet, creamy, and crunchy all at once. Because the deli was take-out only, I ate it all in my car with the windows rolled down to catch the stiff breeze. I licked my fingers afterwards.
But possibly even more delicious than that was the walk I took to a nearby park afterwards. The weather was, as I mentioned, lovely for a brisk walk, and with a little time to myself I fully realized that I am pregnant. It sunk in today. I noticed that I felt poochy today, though granted that was probably because of my recently gobbled lunch.
It wasn't just that, though. I just felt pregnant all of a sudden, sort of roundish and full of busy cells and blood and life.
This is the last time I'll be going through pregnancy, and I was so glad to have a bit of free time to pay attention.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
