Friday morning

I backed up my wake up time to 5:45 today since Sweet P seems to be on an earlier wake up schedule herself. If only I hadn't had to pack Sister's lunch this morning instead of last night I would've had a lovely bit of just mama time...

This first week back to school has been a real bummer, to use a phrase dating from my own school days. I've already had Sister's teacher call me to express her concern over my daughter's near-constant fidgeting--yes, already! I found myself wanting to advise Sister to just start biting her nails like I used to do, but instead had her make herself a "stress ball" to squeeze under her desk. It's just a balloon filled with rice and tied off and is pleasantly squeeze-y. Sister herself told me that she can't just sit there with her hands quietly resting on her desk, that she needs something for them to do. I can definitely relate, so here's hoping the rice-filled balloon will fix everything. If someone recommends she be medicated to keep her focused in school, I will seriously consider homeschooling her.

My goodness, what grim thoughts for lovely mama time!

Some things I'm looking forward to this weekend: getting some sleep so I can kick this cold that isn't helping with my record-high grumpiness level; having brunch with a couple friends; doing some sewing; and having Husband home!

Birds are beginning to sing now, though the dog is still snoring in his crate...

I have a 10-year old!

DSC01081, originally uploaded by Secretsugar.

It's hard to believe that 10 years ago this child made me into a mama, but there it is. Time passes and they grow up.

Sister had 4 friends over for a sleepover for her birthday which she also did last year. But this year all of a sudden the girls seemed so grown up. They got along well without me having to intervene and make them be nice to each other. They told jokes, they listened to each other, they made little "trading cards" to exchange, and they just generally hung out and enjoyed each other's company without me having to do much besides feed them and make them brush their teeth. (Oh, and settle down at 1:30 in the morning when the baby woke me up and I realized that I could still hear them giggling loudly downstairs.)

One of my favorite things they did was riff off of this Worst Case Scenario board game we have. At first, they got a kick out of reading the cards to each other, but then began making up their own scenarios:
"How to eat your lucky underwear after a volcano erupts."
"How to survive an unexpected poop."
"How to drink your pee in a dire emergency."
"How to use a chicken and a DVD as clothes in dire trouble."
"How to survive in a room with a toilet, Hagrid's butt, and a saw."

They just keep being hilarious, I guess, no matter how old they get!

7 of 11

7 of 11, originally uploaded by Secretsugar.

It's so hard to get a group kid photo when there are 11 kids to corral and one of them REFUSES to leave my arms for any reason. This is as close as I've gotten this year--7 of the assorted cousins, including 2 kids of my own, snapped while they're eating and quiet for a change. They're chatting to themselves, but it's not the utter mayhem that has otherwise been their mode this year.

I've hardly seen Sister at all this week because she's suddenly old enough to not make a nuisance of herself among her teenage cousins. She's hanging out with them and they're not annoyed by her presence. She's also old enough to be responsible, not get lost on beach walks, stay hydrated, not drown, etc. I'm sorry to say that what interaction I've had with her has been mighty sassy on her part. Trying to save face in front of these same teenage cousins, I guess.

Bean has needed, as usual, a lot of entertainment and Sweet P has needed me. A lot. Like, nursing half the night and miserable whenever I put her down during the day. I am exhausted. On vacation!

This is one beach trip I won't be sorry to see over, however much cat barf there is to clean up or laundry to do at home when we return.

Rising fifth grader, not rising at the moment

Rising fifth grader, not rising, originally uploaded by Secretsugar.

This is how Sister intends to spend a good portion of her time now that school has let out. (Today! Finally!) Can you tell she's psyched? And do you remember when you had this kind of leisure time? I remember long afternoons and evenings spent curled up in a chair or on the porch with nothing to do but read if I wanted. Back before the days of the internet, clearly.

Happy summer, everyone!

Special (sleepy) day

I'm so lacking in sleep today that I feel hung over. Like my body isn't functioning properly and my blood is all whack somehow. Yes, I had a glass of wine last night, but it's definitely not that. Will.this.baby.please.stop.waking.up.to.nurse. Please, Sweet P! I'm going to start her on solids this weekend in the hopes that more calories will help. I'm in the magical thinking stage of trying to deal with sleep deprivation, obviously, thinking maybe sweet potatoes will help. Riiiiiiight.

Despite my bone weariness, I've promised Sister that I would pull her out of school after lunch today so I could take everyone to Pullen Park in Raleigh. Pullen Park has a huge playground along with an antique carousel, a kiddie train, and a little boat ride. Oh, and a snack bar with a huge array of ice cream and popsicles for cheap. I've been trying not to do quite so much driving lately, but I did want to do something special for Sister since she wrapped up her end-of-grade tests yesterday. Getting through two whole days of math tests is definitely worth celebrating around here! She feels confident that she passed, so I feel confident, too. I hear ya, Kat, on reconsidering homeschool once your boy has to face the EOG's. It's a lot of stress on a kid. Sister told me that one of her classmates threw up in the middle of the test yesterday and had to go home. Poor guy.

Psyched to be 3

Psyched to be 3, originally uploaded by Secretsugar.

Bean's turning 3 on Saturday is part of what kept me away from blogging for so long. She had a real party this year, with four other toddlers plus some babies and big kids thrown into the mix. And their parents. So it was a lot of party prep, even if what we ate was lots of chips dumped into a bowl and an ice cream cake made of ice cream that I didn't actually make myself. Thank God for SIster! She was such a huge help with arranging bowls of chips, helping blow up balloons, decorating a birthday banner, and just generally offering her help up every time we turned around.

So I'm mama of a 3-year old now! Bean is so big all of a sudden and is also coming around to liking me again after the past year spent following Husband around in blind adoration. It's certainly easier to be a stay-at-home mom if your kids actually want to hang out with you.

Speaking of which, when her papa came home from work the other day and asked what we'd done today, Bean replied, "Hanged out." Funny girl.

Struggling

I've mentally settled down a bit since my last foul-mouthed post, but I have really been struggling this week. I had probably the worst day I've ever had with Sister yesterday, where I yelled at her so loud she burst into tears. Felt great about that one, let me tell ya.

Sweet P has entered a phase where she doesn't want to be put down at all and suddenly sleeps dramatically less than she used to. I know, I know, this shouldn't be a surprise to me, a supposedly experienced mama. But it does mean that on top of Sister's horrible homework hysteria nearly everyday, and Bean trying to alternately pick fights with hysterical Sister or surreptitiously squeeze the baby's hands or skull, I have a screaming baby demanding attention, too.

It's enough to make me utterly short out. You know on old Looney Tunes cartoons how you'd see smoke coming out of Yosemite Sam's ears when he was pissed off? It's the smoke of overloaded brain circuitry, I understand that now. And that's been me lately.

This morning--and the rest of today--has gone better. Sister had a delayed opening school day, so she spent the extra time getting me to set her up with an embroidery project that she's making as a birthday present to Bean. A nice, peaceful morning then, and this is hopefully her new hobby. On her way out the door to school, she declared it to be so.

Now, even I hate math!

The hardest part lately of being the mother of three is not the attention demanded by the baby or even by my Bean, queen of the drop-of-the-hat temper tantrum. These days, it's been Sister who's required intensive management from me. Frickin' long division math homework! Sister hates math and especially this math. She just finished TWO AND A HALF HOURS of hysteria- and tears-inducing math and I, for one, am exhausted and extremely pissy. I've had fantasies of farming her out to an afterschool program because I hear that they have homework time and maybe someone besides me could handle this a little better.

Anyone else got some advice for me here? I can't continue having afternoons like this!

Sister growing up

Sister has all of a sudden begun to care about her appearance. She's requested that I get a book about hairstyles so she can begin experimenting with her hair which she's decided to grow long. She enjoys mixing up beauty potions from a kit she received for Christmas--toners and bath oils and such. The other day she wrote up a list of her ideal spa day which cracked me up. My 9-year old! Daydreaming about her perfect spa day! The damn list was, like, a dozen items long! Hilarious. (And where can I sign up?)

But she's still a little kid, really, and doesn't quite know how to do this stuff yet. I can't wait to see how she'll come down the stairs in the morning these days. The other day, she came down with a small pigtail jutting out of the side of her head at a 60 degree angle. Just one of them, and definitely had NOT used a brush to smooth it out first. This morning she came down in leopard print capri pants, a blue sequin shirt, blue kitty-printed socks pulled HIGH up her legs, and pink and white sneakers. Bless her heart. I think I love this phase of her growing up.

Better than the super low-rise jeans and belly shirts that she'll want to wear soon, huh? Yeah.

My three daughters

It's almost a cliche among parents out there that children are born their own selves from day one. Sure, nurture has something to do with them ending up a responsible adult who is kind to animals and other people down the line, but they're pretty much hard-wired as to temperament and interests. This is the prevailing attitude among the mamas I know, anyways.

And with my own girls, it's been noticeable from a very early age that they were very different kids. Sister played independently (and happily) from about the time that she could sit up on her own and grasp things. She's always been a fine motor skills kind of girl and to this day, her preferred mode is off in her own dream world, dreaming up plots involving fairies, goblins, small rocks, and "magic" little detritus found around the house.

And Bean? Well, take a look for yourself!

Wall-crawling, originally uploaded by salutor.

She's not even three yet, y'all!

She's an intensely physical little person, wanting always to be moving--climbing, running, dancing, hopping on one foot. Phew! That child wears me out! Yesterday while sitting together in the piano teacher's living room waiting for Sister to finish her lesson, Bean and I were looking together at some travel magazines lying around. I turned to a page with a photo of some white water rafters. Bean gasped, pointed at them, and asked, "MAMA! Can we do that someday? Can we do that, too?!" I told her we could. Next, there was a page of a hiker on Mt. Everest, crossing a deep ice ravine on a narrow rope. Again, Bean asked me, "MOM! Can we do that someday?!"

Do I need to say that Bean has no interest in playing quietly and independently in her own little world? Maybe when Hell freezes over.

I'm so interested to see how my Sweet P turns out. All I know about her so far is that she's super mellow and super sweet. Maybe I'll get my mama's girl sewing buddy one of these days after all...

Points for mama

Beanbags for the girls, originally uploaded by Secretsugar.

Sometimes it's just so easy to make a kid happy. An example: it's dreadfully cold and rainy outside today and I needed something new to entertain them. It took me about half an hour to make up some bean bags with squares of fabric I had left over from a project, a few bobbins with a bit of odd-colored thread still left on them, and about 4 pounds of dry beans from the pantry that have been sitting in their jars for probably years now. (I used to be a vegetarian and cooked a hell of a lot of dry beans once upon a time...)

The result is pure kid nirvana. Who knew? Sister came home from school and helped me finish stuffing them, was literally jumping up and down while I sat at the sewing machine stitching up their last seam, then spent half an hour arranging them in order from her least to most favorite. I can't wait to see what Bean does with them when she wakes up!

More on walks

I think I've mentioned here that I've begun taking regular morning walks before Husband goes to work. The original idea was that I'd be getting some exercise at least. It's maybe helping a bit to take the baby weight off, but even more than that, I get some mental S P A C E on my walks.

And that is rare indeed these days.

This morning I went into the little patch of woods near our house. It's not an old piece of woods--maybe 40 or 50 years worth of equal parts pine trees, sweet gums, maples, dying cedars, and scattered oaks. There are many trails running through it because it's squeezed between Sister's elementary school, a couple of '60's era neighborhoods, and the American Legion building. I seldom see anyone on these trails, though, which was why this morning I felt a mental looseness I haven't felt in a long time. Maybe in years.

I was remembering when I was a kid in Miami, FL and then later in the rural NC foothills that I spent all my free time outside. There was just so much to do outside and really not so much inside since my mom wouldn't let us watch t.v. during the days. So my brother and I and the neighborhood kids rode our bikes in the street, threw rocks at passing cars, built forts, and played spy from the treetops.

I know this isn't that unusual a childhood for someone my age, but it sure as hell seems unusual for kids these days, don't you think? Do any of you out there just let your kids roam free in the neighborhood or in some nearby woods? Does anyone out there even have access to nearby woods anymore? Isn't it bizarre that only one generation after our own, most of us probably don't?

Our neighborhood is a safe one. We get the occasional break-in of cars parked on the street with stuff left in plain sight inside them, but that's about it. We lock the house at night but that's the extent of our security precautions. So maybe this is the summer to let Sister have the run of those woods before she gets too old to think that's a fun thing to do. I was imagining I'd give her and the friend that stays with us during much of the summer a couple of kid-sized hammers, a box of nails, and free access to the lumber pile. Maybe I'd say yes when they asked if they could go off by themselves to do something and needed the loan of an old sheet, a shovel, and a basket of snacks. (As long as it was okay with the other mama in question, of course.) Maybe I'd even call up the other neighborhood moms with kids at home, let them know my plan, and encourage them to do the same.

I just hate to see my kids' childhoods be so very devoid of free time outside, you know? And Sister's real little girlhood, at least, is coming to an end soon.

Leaf print handbag

Leaf print handbag, originally uploaded by Secretsugar.

This is one of the handbags I made for Sister's school's silent auction event coming up this Friday. I love it, but I'm terrified that no one will bid on it. I'm having visions of overhearing the scornful comments of the suburban school mamas there who can't believe someone would actually expect such a homemade looking thing to appeal to anyone. Yikes! And of course, Sister will be telling anyone within earshot that her mom made that, so there'll be no hiding. I'll keep y'all posted. And cross your fingers that SOMEONE buys it, even if only for $5!

Super fat old bag Tuesday

A title totally unrelated to anything I'll write beneath it, but I was having a bit of fun at my own expense last night.

There have been a dozen times at least in the last few days that I've meant to sit down and blog something about this busy kid-full life of mine, but alas! I'm just too damn busy. I think I can manage a few odds and ends, though, before all hell breaks loose between Sister and Bean playing upstairs and the baby about to wake up and begin yelling for milk in her bouncy seat next to me.

Okay. Deep breath.

Bean is potty-trained! She even skips a diaper at night because Husband kept forgetting to put them on her after her bath and she was making it through just fine. Score a point for us!

Sister is still utterly absorbed in her library book about puberty. She's making all sorts of funny connections, though, because she is after all still only 9. For example, today in the car she asked me if a "con-dome" was just for boys. I confirmed that it was indeed something that only male members of the anatomy club could wear. (Get it? Get it? I used the official p-word when I said it to her, though.) She then smirked and said smugly, "So they have a tampon kind of thing, too!" I tried not to laugh. Oh, and Husband found the book open in front of the toilet last night when he went up to run their bath and looked to see what page she was on. I won't write it hear for fear of pervs, but it rhymes with master station. Husband's a bit freaked out, I think, but I assured him she probably already knew all about it if my experience as a young'un was common. (What the hell else is there to do when you're 5 and confined to your bunk with chicken pox, I ask you?)

Our Sweet P is a darling, easy baby, super smiley and thrilled to squeals to see a friendly face (or an interesting blanket, or the cat, for that matter). I can't remember life without her and I'm still sad she's the last one for me. Husband suggested that "Some people start looking forward to grandkids" when I told him I was sad to have put an end to my procreative life. No rush for that, though! Maybe I'll go be a volunteer baby holder at the hospital when my little ones are all big and I get a jones for something tiny to hold.

I'm feeling old all of a sudden, but this life is a very, very good one.

Isn't this happening a bit early?

A conversation with Sister last night, after we returned from the library with a book on puberty for her:

Sister: Mom, I think Lily and I have had the wrong idea about sex.
Me: Oh really? In what way?
Sister: Well, we thought that every time you had sex you got pregnant. But in this book it says there are other reasons why people have sex.
Me: (weakly) Oh, uh, you thought that, huh? Well, no, a woman doesn't get pregnant every time, but it can definitely happen.

Secretly I was thinking, "Rats! They're on to us!" But I promise I didn't perpetrate this little fiction on Sister on purpose, like, strategically.

She has been utterly engrossed in this book for nearly all her waking hours since yesterday, though I forbade her from taking it to school on the pretext that it was a library book I didn't want lost. The truth is that I have no idea what sort of thing might happen on the playground as a result. I could easily imagine Sister holding forth on all sorts of titillating topics to an astonished 9- to 10-year old crowd. When did I first become aware of the facts about sex and puberty and that sort of thing? I can't remember at all...

Her friend Lily got her first training bras yesterday and they're having a sleepover tonight at Sister's grandma's house. Oh to be a fly on the wall over there tonight!

Idle

It's been so nice having Sister home from school lately that I found myself idly thinking about home-schooling her today just to have her around more. But that's because today she's chosen to be in her awesome big sister mode. In this mode, she does things like freely offer Bean piggyback rides to coax her out of a store we're running an errand in. She'll ask if she and Bean can share a smoothie when we're picking up a snack at the soft pretzel stand, and then she'll share it without minding when Bean demands very close together sipping turns. She'll try to engage Bean in noticing interesting things on a walk. When she feels like it, Sister is a ROCKIN' big sister.

It's 60 degrees outside today, warm enough to be outside at the duck pond with only long sleeves and no coats. It was just me and the girls since Husband is gone back to work now. The ducks had a damn fine treat--a freezer baggie of guglhupf cubes. The birds snarfed it, but Bean got at least a third of it. Why is it that I can serve that child delicious, perfect toast dripping with honey and butter in the morning and she'll only deign to lick a bit of honey off the top before pushing back from the table, but if I hand her some stale bread for duck-feeding she'll eat most of it? Not just stale pastry either, but hard, whole-grain bread heels that I've been accumulating in the freezer for 2 months? Anyways. It's best not to question why my middle child eats or doesn't eat the way she does. I can only hope that the baby will follow in Sister's eating footsteps someday. Sister, who requests Manchego and aged Gouda snacks without prompting...

Home is where the barf is

Sister and I are home from Savannah now after a lovely time spent walking the historic district together, eating really fantastic Vietnamese food, and enjoying ghost stories on a nighttime horse-drawn carriage tour. We had the best time in each other's company that we've had in I can't remember how long, nearly completely free of complaining and temper tantrums on her part and bitchy mama-ness on mine. Until we got to the airport, that is. Then Sister began to decline rapidly, not handling the transition back to regular life very well. While she'd managed being on her feet for seven hours straight with only a lunch break walking around in Savannah, standing in line for 10 minutes for a burrito in the Atlanta airport was just more than she wanted to do. At least I had some good sleep behind me so that I could handle it well--10-1/2 hours the first night and 9 hours the second night. Just that alone would've made it totally worth it for me.

We got home yesterday to a house that wasn't nearly as trashed as I'd anticipated it would be with Husband and Bean on their own for a few days. Clearly Husband had made an effort to tidy before I got home, which I appreciated a lot. But the transition back home wasn't all smooth. Bean woke up feverish in the middle of the night last night to vomit up her skimpy dinner. She's still feverish today, though thankfully the barf hasn't made a reappearance. She's definitely feeling pretty bad, though, and doesn't want to do anything more right now than curl up under a blanket next to me on the sofa to watch recorded episodes of Sesame Street. She's eaten only 2 slices of watermelon and a grape popsicle today, and as far as I'm concerned she can eat nothing but watermelon and popsicles today if she wants. Mild, slightly sweet stuff that will keep her hydrated and cool and that contain some calories at least. My poor girl.

So I'm in for a quiet day today, catching up on emails and trying to plan the meeting I'm holding for the parents of Sister's Girl Scout troop on Wednesday. (Why am I already not surprised that fully half of the parents haven't responded to the email I sent out early last week?)

Last few days of summer

It's been awhile....

Things have been busy here at the cave, but I've also been a bit too sad and overtired to blog. I started the week off with a stupid fight with Husband over Bean's wretched sleeping habits and what we could do to fix it. It ended badly and Bean's still not sleeping worth a damn. However, now she appears to be getting Sister's cold so at least there's an excuse. If there's a reason for sleep-deprivation it's somehow a little easier to be patient about it. I at least have the illusion that it'll be over once the reason no longer exists. (A mama can dream, right?)

The good news is that I'm taking Sister for a big girls only trip to Savannah today. We're using up some free business class plane tickets to get there, staying in a B&B in the historic district with a small pool in its lovely, lush private courtyard, and planning to do fun, hokey things like going on a horse-drawn carriage tour of all the haunted spots in the district. And did I mention that I'm going to sleep A LOT? 'Cause my fabulous 9-year old child really needs her nighttime sleep in uninterrupted 12-hour chunks, bless her. I can't wait!

After that school starts and the Girl Scout year starts and it'll be back to getting up at 6:15 to get a few quiet minutes before the girls have to be gotten up for the day. But I still have a few nice days of summer...

It's starting again

Sister's return to school as a fourth grader is imminent now. Suddenly the summer is over and there's a lot to do to get ready for the school grind to begin again. I need to take Sister shopping for some new clothes--for jeans specifically which she has always spurned before as too uncomfortable but which now she's dying to wear. Well, that and a suit on her first day of school. I'm afraid I've been letting my dear child watch a bit too much "What Not to Wear" with me lately. A suit, she says!

But it is funny how her tastes are starting to change. She and her friends spent all last year spurning all things "girly-girl," as they phrased it. This included anything pink or Bratz, Barbie, or unicorn-related. This year, suddenly pink is o.k., and even desirable. She chose a pink parka for herself out of a catalog, along with a pastel pink shirt with floral trim and a pink-flowered skirt to match. She wants to grow her hair out long again and also chose a pink backpack this year--though it is in fact hot pink with black polka dot trim and nothing too sweet.

Still, I'm interested to see where this might be heading this year.

More sleep deprivation, more bitchiness

It's been an exhausting week both because I've had trouble sleeping through all my incredibly intense pregnancy dreams and because Bean has taken to waking up a couple times a night again to scream that someone needs to come "Fix my bankits!" Last night was no exception. I woke up at 6:45 this morning with a sense of dread because Bean was awake for the day and because Husband is leaving the country this afternoon.

For 6 whole days.

I was not at my best with either of the girls this past week. Sister is in a stubborn and argumentative phase, and since I am also both stubborn and argumentative--and sleep-deprived on top of those lovely qualitites--I'm just hoping I can manage to be not quite such a bitch mama with her this week, too.

Wish me luck, mamas.