Surprise! Still burnt out!

Yep, it's official. I am tired of Husband working so much on our new business venture. He didn't get home til 9:45 last night and left for work again this morning at 8:00. That was exactly 15 minutes after Bean and I had gotten up, by the way, so that's how much daddy time she had this morning, and that's how much baby-free time I had to get ready and make the bed. I hadn't even made it downstairs yet--he met me at the top of the stairs to hand me Sweet P before dashing out the door. Sigh.

I'm trying to tell myself it'll be worth it in the long run, but I'm afraid I'm just not that much of a visionary when another 10-1/2 hour day of taking care of kids looms ahead of me. I'm crazy about my daughters, of course, but I just need a teensy little break right about now.

In the time it took me to write this brief little post, I had to stop twice because Bean requested seconds on snack and then dropped and broke the cup that her applesauce was served in. Also, the baby is waking up after a 20 minute nap. Fuck.

Struggling

I've mentally settled down a bit since my last foul-mouthed post, but I have really been struggling this week. I had probably the worst day I've ever had with Sister yesterday, where I yelled at her so loud she burst into tears. Felt great about that one, let me tell ya.

Sweet P has entered a phase where she doesn't want to be put down at all and suddenly sleeps dramatically less than she used to. I know, I know, this shouldn't be a surprise to me, a supposedly experienced mama. But it does mean that on top of Sister's horrible homework hysteria nearly everyday, and Bean trying to alternately pick fights with hysterical Sister or surreptitiously squeeze the baby's hands or skull, I have a screaming baby demanding attention, too.

It's enough to make me utterly short out. You know on old Looney Tunes cartoons how you'd see smoke coming out of Yosemite Sam's ears when he was pissed off? It's the smoke of overloaded brain circuitry, I understand that now. And that's been me lately.

This morning--and the rest of today--has gone better. Sister had a delayed opening school day, so she spent the extra time getting me to set her up with an embroidery project that she's making as a birthday present to Bean. A nice, peaceful morning then, and this is hopefully her new hobby. On her way out the door to school, she declared it to be so.

Cranky

My calendar is empty today, which is a rare and pleasant occurrence. I just wish I could enjoy it, but I've once again fallen behind on my sleep. And I knew it would be a challenging day when I woke a little after 6:00 before my alarm even went off, hearing Bean beginning to chat to herself in her crib. I really, really need just 15 minutes to myself in the mornings with no kids and no Husband awake yet so I can at least take a peaceful shower and start my cup of tea before being fully jarred awake by the reality of the day and--let's face it--them. It was not to be this morning. Which is perhaps within an hour I found myself yelling at Sister for not getting her tail downstairs fast enough. My blood boils over way too easily on mornings like these.

Bean went down for her nap at 11:00 am this morning, about 2 hours earlier than usual. This was a nice reprieve, but it also means that I won't be napping myself today since there's just no way for me to fall asleep after such recent caffeine consumption. I'll start to crash around the time Bean wakes up and Sister comes home from school.

At least I managed to cross some ancient items off my to-do list already today. Took the dog and his poop in this morning for some tests and a vaccine. Cancelled my utterly unused gym membership 'cause who am I kidding here? If only I could bring myself to "wash baseboards," I'd probably feel so self-congratulatory my whole attitude would turn around.

But nah. Maybe outside for a bit of light puttering in the cool 65 degree air is what I need.

Whine

I can't seem to climb out of the doldrums I'm in right now. Do any of you ever wake up feeling resentful as hell at just everything? Having to wake up super early so you'll be sure to get a shower before the baby wakes, the damn dog whining to be let out, the cats yowling at you to be fed, the 31-pound baby refusing to be put down and demanding her morning smoothie, just everything happening first thing in the morning all at once and you're in charge of it all? With no time to just sit a minute quietly with your hot tea and think about the day? And no chance in hell of that happening in the next few years at all?

Ugh. How do I snap out of this? How do you snap out of it?