Surprise! Still burnt out!

Yep, it's official. I am tired of Husband working so much on our new business venture. He didn't get home til 9:45 last night and left for work again this morning at 8:00. That was exactly 15 minutes after Bean and I had gotten up, by the way, so that's how much daddy time she had this morning, and that's how much baby-free time I had to get ready and make the bed. I hadn't even made it downstairs yet--he met me at the top of the stairs to hand me Sweet P before dashing out the door. Sigh.

I'm trying to tell myself it'll be worth it in the long run, but I'm afraid I'm just not that much of a visionary when another 10-1/2 hour day of taking care of kids looms ahead of me. I'm crazy about my daughters, of course, but I just need a teensy little break right about now.

In the time it took me to write this brief little post, I had to stop twice because Bean requested seconds on snack and then dropped and broke the cup that her applesauce was served in. Also, the baby is waking up after a 20 minute nap. Fuck.

T.v. free

My toilets are orange, about a month past needing to be scrubbed. I just noticed that the bottom foot of dining room curtains are--once again!--soaked in cat piss. Crabgrass is taking over the garden. Laundry continues piling up at an alarming pace. Sister and Bean are unbelievably resourceful in finding new things to argue over. (Who owns a particular loose dime, for example. Seriously.) The baby STILL won't sleep through the night.

Did I really just declare August t.v.-free month for us this morning? My hope is that this will improve the girls' behavior. (She explains weakly.)

Stay tuned for how long I hold out...

Break

Oy vey! I hope the rest of you out there aren't feeling as stressed and overwhelmed as I am lately! I feel like I just don't get a break anymore since our babysitter has left town for the summer and my mom has my little brothers to keep her from acting as regular grandma. Know what stupid thing happened today? Bean was in the bathroom washing her hands after lunch when all of a sudden she let out a loud wail. My nerves were already pretty jangly after a morning full of wails from both little girls. I come rushing in to see what's happened now and she's in tears because she's tipped over her potty which was apparently full to the brim with pee. Pee is now all over the bathroom rug and floor and Bean is still wailing. I put the baby down in her swing so I can clean the lake of pee and she starts screaming.

It was just the last straw for me, I guess, because then I burst into tears.

I'm over myself now, but jeez! Do I really need to wait til the babysitter is back in town to feel like I'll get a break?

I'm soaking in it

I just want to record here that saying yes means cleaning up a lot more fucking messes. I can't get dinner made, I can't catch my breath, I can't find the time to blog, and I sure as hell can't find the time to do my own projects.

I'd like to try and give this new policy--because that's what it's become--a couple weeks, but I'm really not sure if I can make it that long!

Hell day

Today was hands down the worst day I've had so far as the mama of three girls instead of two. Bean has been in a foul and obstreperous mood for the past couple of days, and today she got to take it out on the kids in her playgroup for a change instead of on me. I ended up having to haul her away bodily after many warnings for slugging others, snatching toys, screaming in my face, and just general toddler thugishness. You mamas of older children will understand when I say that she was horrible today and it was just awful to have to spend the day with her.

A two-hours-earlier-than-usual nap didn't improve her mood, and on top of that, Sister came home from school feeling cranky her own self. Add a gassy, screaming baby to the mix and I was almost in tears by the time Husband came home. Especially as he was planning to spend the evening playing poker with some friends.

When he saw what sort of state I was in, though, he called his friend and said he couldn't come after all. I tried to insist that he go and that I would be fine once I got dinner into them, but he saw through my rather thin protestations, bless him.

And then I was in tears, so relieved to be rescued from mama hell.