January biliousness

The winter weather passed us by yesterday, or at least the hard core stuff did. No ice, no sleet, no snow. Still lots of rain, which means that most of both yards is sitting in a couple of inches of standing water, but I've learned to avert my eyes when looking out the house windows these days. Or just look up at the sky. I've really got to get more adept at the digital camera photo uploading business so that I can put some pictures up here and you all can see the wasteland that is our backyard at the moment. Even my friends find it disheartening.

But anyways, this is a big nothing of a day so far. Just a lot of errands to take care of, the house to tidy before the playgroup meets over here tomorrow, emails to send to Sister's school principal attempting to convince her that when my mother takes her to Disneyworld and Epcot Center next week it should be plenty educational enough to be excused from school--that sort of stuff.

One of the playgroup moms just announced last week that she's pregnant, and I need to get in a happy place about that particular bit of news before she gets over here. I keep thinking I'm over having the miscarriage and then things happen to make me realize I'm not completely. I say "things happen," but what I really mean is that I keep hearing about other women getting pregnant. Then there's the emotional residue of our genetic counselling appointment a couple of weeks ago, where all of a sudden it was impressed upon me by a 23-year old counsellor that I'm old now, procreationally speaking, and therefore at high risk for all kinds of awful, genetic mishaps. Maybe I can't even get pregnant at all anymore because of my horribly advanced age. Young, fertile wench.

Sigh. This sucks. One of the reasons I'm contemplating making this a private blog is that I want to write about Husband and I trying to have one more baby, and then again I don't want complete strangers to witness my self-pity and angst about it.

And then, what if I get that third child? Ha!

Trying again

Husband and I are talking about getting pregnant again. Or rather, we've both mentioned it in passing while discussing new health insurance policies, Bean's development and such. As for talking about our hopes for another baby...well, we're both too scared of another miscarriage to talk about it like that.

Next week, we're going to a genetic counselling appointment so that Husband can be tested for the cystic fibrosis gene that I carry. If the news is good--and the odds are that it will be--then we'll try again. I don't know yet if I'll talk about being pregnant quite so early. It's difficult to go back and tell everyone that you're no longer pregnant if the worst happens. But having no one know about it all doesn't sound too appealing either.