Good mood mama

This week has been so much better than last week. I'm certainly not getting any more sleep than last week, but I am over a summer cold and I'm also consistently getting up at 5:45, about 45 minutes (if I'm lucky) before anyone else gets up. At 5:45 it's still dark outside, and some mornings I'd much rather sleep. But it's been worth it to have the quiet time. What I've been doing is making myself a cup of tea and going out onto our dark back porch to sit on the rug. I stretch a little because when it's quiet I notice how stiff my body is in the mornings now. (It didn't used to be.) I watch the sun rise through the trees behind the house because our porch faces east. I listen to the birds wake up and the crickets go to sleep. Yesterday I listened to an owl makes its way through our neighborhood, it's hooty calls getting farther and farther away from me.

My morning mood is vastly improved by starting the day off alone and quiet rather than having to be "on" the minute the kids wake me up. I may even set my clock a little earlier to get even more time like this!

New routine

This first week back to school is just dragging. I really was surprised to realize this morning that it's only Wednesday. If felt like at least the beginning of next week.

One bright side to the new back-to-school routine is that I've begun setting my clock for half an hour earlier than Sister's wake-up time. So I'm getting up at 6:00 and my only goal is to have a cup of tea in solitude before anyone wakes up needing me. It makes me very grumpy to have to be on as soon as I get up--and sometimes before I get up if I bring the baby into bed with me, and then Bean gets in bed with us and wants to mess with Sweet P, and then the dog begins whining downstairs when he realizes people are waking...

Quiet and solitude are so rare for me these days and I've always been the kind of person who needed a lot of time alone. I'm sure I'd be a much better mama and much nicer person in general if I could just figure out how to get more of that. 6:00 waking is a start. My mom used to get up at 4:30 in the morning when I was a kid, but I don't think I'm quite that desperate yet!

Feeling better

Happy baby, originally uploaded by Secretsugar.

Trying to post today if only to get that last one down a bit. I'm feeling a lot less sorry for myself today, thanks. I've been so busy lately with the kids and the new business that I've been really struggling. Last night, though, I realized that my help with the business is the thing that should give around here if I need something to. The kids shouldn't be the thing I let go, right? I mean, if my help consists of responding to people's emails and posting on our blog now and then, that could probably wait longer than a lonely young'un in need of some mama time? Yes.

This morning, Sweet P woke me up at 5:30 to nurse. After I got her tanked up and back to sleep, I went on downstairs because it was already getting light outside and I relished the thought of having the quiet house to myself, sleep deprivation be damned. I sat alone on the back porch with the birds singing, drinking my tea. With quiet time to think, I made a new plan to think of some way of giving each of my daughters some small thing they want each day, something to make them cheerful and happy about the day. For Sister, it was biscuits and strawberries for breakfast and a trip to the library after school today. For Bean, it was my undivided attention for a couple of hours while Sweet P napped. We went out in the garden together and planted vegetables and sunflowers, dug for worms, and chatted. For Sweet P, I'm vowing to just play with her more rather than popping her into her swing or her bouncy seat so I can blog, send emails, steal a few minutes for a sewing project. Sewing projects are going to have to wait til after the kids are in bed now, I think. It's going to require some focus on my part, but if I get up a little early every day, that may just give me the break I need to be able to do all that for everyone else.

Everyone gets a little something, mama included.

New resolve

With Husband gone for the week, I've had a bit of spare mental time to make some resolutions. Well, okay, not resolutions in the new year's self-improvement, habit-altering sense, but resolutions nevertheless to get some things done this week that I want to do. So, yes, resolving to have fun. Not that I don't have fun with him home, but I do feel more obligated to fix regular dinners, be sensitive to whether he's trying to get things done himself, keep him company, that sort of thing.

Baking. I'm going to bake some different cupcakes this week, starting with the recipe that Bean and I made this morning for Upside-down Sticky Pecan Cupcakes. They're sorta like a sticky bun, but with sour cream cake batter holding it all together instead of a yeasted dough. They came out beautifully and are so delicious I may have to give them to my neighbor to keep from eating them all myself.

Sewing projects. I mentioned last night that I was working on the border for Bean's big girl quilt, and once that's done this project will be finally over. I finished Sister's last year and just got tired of working on them. Bean's on the fast track for a big girl bed now, though, so this is incentive for her, to have a bed just like Sister's.

I also thought I'd try making Bean a Pointy Kitty from this great blog that a crafty friend turned me onto. You should go check out Wee Wonderfuls if you're at all sewing-minded. She has other free patterns, too, as well as a store with even more cute kid patterns. I already started helping Sister and her friend make pointy kitties last week, prompting Bean to ask me, "Where's mine?" I may try to make up a bib pattern, too, since Bean's used her supply pretty hard and it would be nice to have cute, fresh ones for the new baby.

As for gardening, there isn't a whole hell of a lot I'm willing to do with the weather forecast predicting temperatures close to and at 100 degrees this week. I ought to do battle with the crabgrass in the front beds but...nah. I will, however, be working on potting up some plants for the patio since most of ours died during our trips to the mountains and then to the beach. This morning, I took Bean out shopping and got a hardy banana, some variegated cannas, and some ornamental grasses, among other things. I'm going for tall things with interesting leaves this time around so I don't have to deadhead anything.

What else? I need to clean the house since I've been putting that off for awhile and Husband invited some of his friends over for dinner Saturday night. But since that's so far away, I'll put it off awhile longer maybe. The toilets don't have rings yet, so I can live with it. Heh.

Hope you're all doing things you love right now, too.

One solo bedtime routine down...

...and just 5 more to go. Sister is at her dad's for the long weekend, so it was just me and Bean tonight. It all went very smoothly, with a lot of time spent outside before dinner, taking turns watering the garden and chatting. Dinner went fine--a lot of fresh veggies from this morning's impromptu trip to the farmer's market--and even the dog got fed on time. Then a cozy shared bath during which I got a taste of what it's like to be Bean. She wanted to help me wash my hair and face, and the way she kept coming at me with the buckets of water and the big, dripping washcloth and I could just barely fend her off after it had gone on awhile...well, it must be how she thinks baths are supposed to go, huh?

She's sleeping now and even the dog is sleeping, though with a rather more sullen attitude than either she or I have at the moment. I'm looking forward to the rest of this quiet evening with mint chocolate chip ice cream, some comedy movie on cable, and diligent work on the border of Bean's big girl bed quilt.

Nighty-night, y'all!

Summer begins

Sister, Bean, and I have settled into a lovely summer already. This morning, Husband went for an early run with friends, which left me expecting to get up early with the baby. Instead what happened was she stirred at 6:45. I got up to brush my teeth and put in my contact lenses while I still had both hands free. In the meantime, she'd fallen back asleep and I had the time to make the bed, take a shower, brew myself a cup of tea, putter while it was steeping, and then sit on the back porch by myself to drink it. I had an entire hour and a quarter to myself because Bean and Sister didn't wake til 8:00! The birds were singing, the breeze was blowing, and I could faintly feel my little baby squirming around in my belly. Such an unexpectedly relaxing way to start the day.

For the past 3 summers, the daughter of a good friend of mine comes to stay with us while her parents are at work. She's a year older than Sister and they have literally known each other since Sister was born. They don't attend the same schools and aren't in the same grade, but they get along so beautifully. Yesterday I allowed them to watch "What Not to Wear" and "10 Years Younger" with me during Bean's naptime. (DVR'ed, so no commercials.) Afterwards, they went upstairs to give Sister's Barbies makeovers. Since there were only 2--and one of them lost her head long ago--we decided to go to the thrift store in search of new ones once Bean woke up. We hit the Barbie jackpot there, scoring 8 scraggly, naked Barbies that nevertheless cost only $.50 each. All of them received make-overs once we returned home. The upstairs positively reeked of artificially flavored lipgloss, and the floor of Sister's room was strewn with Barbie hair. For two girls who go out of their way to declare to the world how un-girly they are, this struck me as hilarious and sweet.

I can already see the difference in Sister's face after only a little while of this. She's smiley and unstressed and laughing very freely. I love to see her this way.

Leisure

Another naptime spent in various puttering sorts of activities--taking out the trash and recycling, rearranging the lamps and plants in the living room, putting things on the porch away, scrubbing off the black spots on the pizza stone, and sprinkling columbine seeds in a sliver of earth between the patio stones and the house. (These need cold to germinate and won't emerge for another month.) It's so restorative to be able to just putter sometimes.

Free time

This was a gorgeous, windy, bright fall day here in NC. I spent most of it indoors, unfortunately, stuck in a whole day's worth of Girl Scout leader training. The morning session was 4 solid hours and the afternoon class was a jam-packed 3 hours. By the end of it, I was information saturated and I think my eyes were literally glazing over. By the time 4:00 rolled around, I kept having to read the same sentence in our books several times before I could comprehend it. But in between those 2 grueling sessions I had an hour and a half lunch break. A whole hour and a half to myself where I wasn't expected to be at home or anywhere else, where the kids were taken care of, and I could do what I pleased.

I was practically delirious with the restaurant options for my solitary lunch.

My grilled reuben dripping with Russian dressing, pastrami hangings, and yummy sauerkraut was delicious, and the cannoli I had afterwards was tongue-shockingly sweet, creamy, and crunchy all at once. Because the deli was take-out only, I ate it all in my car with the windows rolled down to catch the stiff breeze. I licked my fingers afterwards.

But possibly even more delicious than that was the walk I took to a nearby park afterwards. The weather was, as I mentioned, lovely for a brisk walk, and with a little time to myself I fully realized that I am pregnant. It sunk in today. I noticed that I felt poochy today, though granted that was probably because of my recently gobbled lunch.

It wasn't just that, though. I just felt pregnant all of a sudden, sort of roundish and full of busy cells and blood and life.

This is the last time I'll be going through pregnancy, and I was so glad to have a bit of free time to pay attention.

Changing of the garden

I've got an unexpected boon of free time this morning. Bean slept miserably last night and woke up with a cold, so she's taking a morning nap. We're skipping her little Friday morning music class, too, since I think she'd be too grumpy. No parent there would appreciate her extremely runny nose and sneezing either.

So here I sit in the kitchen at my computer, sipping tea and enjoying this little gift of time. I didn't get much sleep last night either, but I'm not feeling it yet. I feel great, in fact, which just goes to prove how very much I am starved for alone time these days. It trumps napping, which is saying a lot for me!

Earlier this morning I walked the dog past our old house and dropped off lists of plants that I had planted there in 2004 and 2005 plus a fat stack of plastic plant tags that I'd never gotten around to cataloging. The new owners requested them when I mentioned that I had kept records of everything because they're eager to learn about what's there and what kind of care the plants require. This thrills me, of course, since it was so hard to leave them all. But it occurred to me after I walked away that it really isn't my garden anymore. I've still felt possessive when I've walked by the house these last couple of months. I've been mad at them when they didn't water during a whole month of no rain. I've been sad to see things die that I really loved. But when I gave them those plant records I gave them the last of my work there. That's it! For real this time.

Tomorrow, though, Husband and the girls and I are going to a local nursery to choose a good-sized tree to plant in our mostly barren new front yard. I'm thinking about a willow oak or possibly another maple to pair with the one tall maple already out front. It will be the first thing we plant here and I'm so pleased and excited about it.

A weekend long recovery

It's been some time since I felt completely back to my normal self, but I think after this weekend I'm there. I left Bean alone with Husband on Friday night while I went on an overnight trip with a friend to her mom's house in a town a couple of hours away. We got our hair done--and FINALLY someone got my haircut right, though I had my snooty doubts, this place being what I think of as a small Southern town. Just goes to show me, ME of all people, why stereotypes about the South and small towns are, well, stereotypes. I'm crazy about this haircut. So cute and not like I have a pair of shaggy earmuffs on at all anymore.

But anyways, this is not what got me back to my normal self entirely. This trip included not only a perfect, unplanned haircut, but also cheap antique shopping! I purchased things for the house and didn't spend a fortune! I even found 2 beautiful antique quilts and a quilt top that I plan to finish myself with fabrics from this place for just under $100. Do any of you know how unaffordable antique quilts generally are? If you care, I'll just tell you that they're usually WAY expensive. But not these.

We also had margaritas! 16-ounce margaritas, me and my friend's mom, that were yummy and extremely drinkable. Served to us by a slow-ass waiter, but who cares when the conversation is fabulous and there's no baby to chase around the restaurant and you know you can drink as many as you want because you can stay up as late as you want 'cause there's no baby who's going to wake you up at 6:30?! I can't tell you how much glee that filled me with for the whole 24 hours I was there. We all 3 stayed up late, drinking and nibbling sweets (and them smoking) on the porch til WAY past my bedtime. I learned that I am in fact NOT too old to get over hangovers quickly the next morning. All it takes is having slept 9 solid hours the night before!

So all in all, this was a fabulous weekend. I missed little Bean a tiny bit when I called home to tell her goodnight, but mostly I was just so pleased to be out on my own for a change. I recommend this sort of thing highly to all you over-taxed mamas out there if you can manage it.

Day 2 done

No real time to blog just now, but I'm procrastinating a bit while I finish a cocktail, so why not?

It's been a hectic evening after a lovely day in which a good friend came over with her daughter. We ate a lunch that included many tater tots, followed up by chocolate cake. We talked a lot, and I REALLY needed to have someone to talk to today that wasn't asking me for popsicles and ideas for fun things to do and cartoons to be turned on and a cup of juice, etc. This fabulous friend of mine even watched both the girls while I ran out to pick up a bookshelf for Sister's room I'd bought yesterday and then helped me haul it up the stairs when I returned. She rocks!

But after she left, the day kind of crashed. Or I kind of crashed. There was a meet-the-teacher ice cream social to attend, the dog to walk, dinner to make, the screaming baby to appease, neighbors to reconnect with since we'll all be walking to school together tomorrow, children to bathe, dishes to wash, etc. I remained in a foul mood for most of the evening, struggling valiantly not to yell at the girls. Okay, actually struggling valiantly to stop yelling at the girls, counting down the minutes til it would be seemly to pour myself a drink for chrissakes! Sigh.

But they're both peacefully asleep now, and my own curling up in cozy bed is within reach. All I need to do first is fold the laundry, pack a lunch, empty the dishwasher, take a shower...

I'll be so glad when Husband gets home. Just 3 more days.

Single mama

The secret cave is rather subdued today. Husband left town this morning for 5 days in Canada, on a work trip with about a dozen other co-workers. Even if it has been difficult for me to talk to him a lot recently, I miss him already. He's been gone exactly...hmmm, looks like a whopping 5-1/2 hours so far. I'm sure I'll be missing him even more this evening when I've got to cook dinner while Bean clings to my legs and Sister sighs around the kitchen, complaining about him being gone. 5 days with no back-up! 5 days without mi esposo! I suspect cocktail hour will come a little earlier than usual, and perhaps last a little longer while he's gone.

But fortunately, a woman from Bean's birth class came over with her little boy a little while ago. She and her husband are the only people we've kept in touch with from that class, and we like them very much indeed. Not only do we have kids the same age, but this fabulous woman brought fresh pastries! Plus, she made me a present of a beautiful, pink glass, antique rolling pin that she thought I would like. So that helped me out of my self-pitying mood quite a bit this morning. Grown-up company, happy children, AND presents--how could I remain in a funk?

The trick is for me to stay busy, I think. Maybe I'll get around to working on Sister's long-neglected bed quilt while my evenings are yawning this empty and spouse-less...