Monday, January 22, 2007

January biliousness

The winter weather passed us by yesterday, or at least the hard core stuff did. No ice, no sleet, no snow. Still lots of rain, which means that most of both yards is sitting in a couple of inches of standing water, but I've learned to avert my eyes when looking out the house windows these days. Or just look up at the sky. I've really got to get more adept at the digital camera photo uploading business so that I can put some pictures up here and you all can see the wasteland that is our backyard at the moment. Even my friends find it disheartening.

But anyways, this is a big nothing of a day so far. Just a lot of errands to take care of, the house to tidy before the playgroup meets over here tomorrow, emails to send to Sister's school principal attempting to convince her that when my mother takes her to Disneyworld and Epcot Center next week it should be plenty educational enough to be excused from school--that sort of stuff.

One of the playgroup moms just announced last week that she's pregnant, and I need to get in a happy place about that particular bit of news before she gets over here. I keep thinking I'm over having the miscarriage and then things happen to make me realize I'm not completely. I say "things happen," but what I really mean is that I keep hearing about other women getting pregnant. Then there's the emotional residue of our genetic counselling appointment a couple of weeks ago, where all of a sudden it was impressed upon me by a 23-year old counsellor that I'm old now, procreationally speaking, and therefore at high risk for all kinds of awful, genetic mishaps. Maybe I can't even get pregnant at all anymore because of my horribly advanced age. Young, fertile wench.

Sigh. This sucks. One of the reasons I'm contemplating making this a private blog is that I want to write about Husband and I trying to have one more baby, and then again I don't want complete strangers to witness my self-pity and angst about it.

And then, what if I get that third child? Ha!

4 comments:

Beth said...

I don't feel it's selp-pity and angst...it's what your heart feels at the time. It's gotta be hard to want to be pregnant and then see a friend`who's pregnant.

Hang in there...good advice I know...

Beth said...

oohh, that was supposed to be "self" not "selp"!!!

Amber said...

Having struggled with infertility and being told that I'd never have more children (after my first) it was really really hard when my friends got pregnant. It was even harder when my BIL got his tramp of a girlfriend pregnant... but I digress.

I've never had a miscarriage and I can't pretend to know how that feels- but I get the pregnant jealousy/anger- and then the guilt in feeling jealous/angry. I never did get over it (I just got pregnant against all odds). So I'm a big fat no help with rambling thoughts spewing all over the internet...

I do want to see pictures of your yard though.

Lauren said...

Sugarmama,

I had two kids over forty and they are both perfectly healthy, and brilliant too.