Idle

It's been so nice having Sister home from school lately that I found myself idly thinking about home-schooling her today just to have her around more. But that's because today she's chosen to be in her awesome big sister mode. In this mode, she does things like freely offer Bean piggyback rides to coax her out of a store we're running an errand in. She'll ask if she and Bean can share a smoothie when we're picking up a snack at the soft pretzel stand, and then she'll share it without minding when Bean demands very close together sipping turns. She'll try to engage Bean in noticing interesting things on a walk. When she feels like it, Sister is a ROCKIN' big sister.

It's 60 degrees outside today, warm enough to be outside at the duck pond with only long sleeves and no coats. It was just me and the girls since Husband is gone back to work now. The ducks had a damn fine treat--a freezer baggie of guglhupf cubes. The birds snarfed it, but Bean got at least a third of it. Why is it that I can serve that child delicious, perfect toast dripping with honey and butter in the morning and she'll only deign to lick a bit of honey off the top before pushing back from the table, but if I hand her some stale bread for duck-feeding she'll eat most of it? Not just stale pastry either, but hard, whole-grain bread heels that I've been accumulating in the freezer for 2 months? Anyways. It's best not to question why my middle child eats or doesn't eat the way she does. I can only hope that the baby will follow in Sister's eating footsteps someday. Sister, who requests Manchego and aged Gouda snacks without prompting...

Over it

Christmas is over and I, for one, am relieved. Not too sound all bah humbuggy or anything but the best part of Christmas for me is the day afterward. The girls (and Husband!) played with the new toys, I played board games with Sister and helped her mix potions from her new spa kit, started a sewing project, did a little laundry, nursed the baby, snacked...so relaxing. After dinner we went bowling which was not so relaxing since Sister finally hit her post-Christmas meltdown mode. But still, a lovely day.

Anyone out there making New Year's resolutions this year? I'm thinking about some, one of which will definitely involve my fat ass. Nothing specific yet, though...

Poopy

Alright, this just happened. I caught a whiff of poop-stink wafting my way from Bean's direction. I asked her, "Bean, are you poopy?" She replied gleefully, "Yes, Mama, I have a giant poop!" I plopped her down on the changing table and her feet are propped up on the wall, she's so big. She held her nose the entire time I changed her, asked me, "Is the poop all gone now?" before daring to unpinch her nostrils, and then complained when she still smelled poop in the air around her.

What do you think? Time to potty-train this 2 years and 8 months old girl? I mean, if she's using adjectives to describe it and all?

No time for prose posts!

I'm still here, living large in baby world. Actually, it's more like all toddler/all the time at our house these days. Was Bean always this attention grabbing, or is it just in stark contrast to her new baby sister sleeping through most of the day, crying only if her diaper is wet or if she needs to nurse? I'm too tired to remember just now. Bean is busy, but at least the baby is still easy. And I must spare some mental time to come up with a blog alter ego name for our new little angel...

In the meantime, here's what's new:

1. Utter disgust with my post-pregnancy body. At my 2-week check-up yesterday, I learned that I still have 20 pounds to lose. My friends are all like, "Oh, nursing will take it off. You'll be fine." And Husband is like, "Hmmm, that'll be challenging. Wanna go for a walk tomorrow before I go to work?" Maybe my ass looks worse than I think...

2. Christmas madness, but it hardly merits any detailed explanation. I will say that I managed to make a few batches of goodies over the weekend, if not my usual vast quantity and selection. And I did manage to ship a couple of packages in time. Other than that I've got a fair amount of shopping to do. But if it doesn't get done, no one will know that I intended to buy them an autoharp, or a Webkins, or what-have-you.

3. Back to my horribly slack body. I bought a Pilates video at Target a few days ago just because I happened to walk by them and because a couple of rushed walks per week in the mornings ain't gonna take off 20 pounds anytime soon. I feel like a total dork doing fitness videos all by my lonesome at home, but at least it's something. I guess. I just hope no one sees me through the living room window.

4. Off to haul Sister, Bean, and new baby out the door to piano class. It starts in 30 minutes, but I've recently learned how FRIGGING LONG it takes to get three kids out of the house and into the van. Oy!

Hope you're all well. I'll catch up one of these days.

Getting out

Today wasn't my first trip out of the house with both little girls, but it was my first attempt at a major excursion. We went to the Museum of Life and Science in Durham, about half an hour's drive away.

The hardest part? Just getting out the frigging door! I was shooting for 9:30, was feeling our departure was imminent enough to say so to Husband and the water company guys dropping in for a repair at 9:55, and was shocked to see the minivan's clock reading 10:25 by the time we were backing out of the driveway. Two sets of diapers must be freshened now. Two changes of clothes must be packed (and appropriate for the 75 degree day we're having). The baby must be tanked up with milk. Bean must be not too far past her famously meager breakfast or snacks will be in order. Who am I kidding? Snacks are always in order for Bean these days, so last minute tangerines must be peeled for the car, tissues must be stuffed in any available pocket for Bean's runny nose, and I need to not be too hungry or it will all go to hell.

Phew! Fortunately, the museum itself was just fine. I'm a mama who firmly believes in bribery, so butterfly and dinosaur stickers from the museum shop, conveniently located next to the exit, plus gummy fruit snacks for the car ride home made leaving in time for a nap amazingly easy on everyone.

One point for me!

It is NOT gas

Winner, originally uploaded by salutor.

Can you honestly tell me that this giant baby grin has anything to do with gas like Husband says? And why would a baby be grinning because of gas anyways? I say my baby is smiling on purpose because she's on her mama's lap with a belly full of warm milk.

So there.

New little sweetie

IMG_0367, originally uploaded by salutor.

Our sweet little girl finally decided to make her grand entrance! She was born at 1:11 pm on Monday, December 3rd, six days after her due date.

Labor took 9 hours and was made weird and fitful by the baby not dropping til the midwife broke my bag of water and I was totally dilated. Then toward the end she got stuck crowning, which felt just as awful as it sounds. After a gigantic push, the stuck half of her head, the rest of her, and a deluge of amniotic fluid, blood, and poop--the baby's, not mine--came out all at once. It wasn't pretty, but she got born!

Turns out that she weighed a chunky 9 pounds 7 ounces and had a 14 1/4-inch head circumference. Also, her shoulder was sorta torqued sideways which the midwife said was probably why labor progressed which such strange timing and why she was so hard to push out. I would definitely say this was my hardest birth, but she was my biggest baby so it's maybe not so surprising.

Things have been fairly relaxed around here today. Sister is at school, and my mother came to pick up Bean for the day. I've had a shower and found something that both fits and that I can nurse in, both of which seem like minor triumphs all on their own. Husband has been so solicitous and sweet and has said all manner of complimentary things about my labor. Our new little one is nursing beautifully, and I get the distinct feeling that she's happy she's here.

It's so nice to have another baby girl in the family!

Later

December 1st would've been a lovely, easy-to-remember birthday, but alas, that was NOT the birthday of our baby. December 2nd doesn't appear to be shaping up as her birthday either. This baby is officially 5 days late, and I'm feeling pretty damn down about it now. The waiting around trying to come up with busy work is hard. The pelvic pain, waddling, hormonal grumpiness, and water retention make it suck.

Husband and I thought she might be coming Friday night. I had pretty intense contractions starting at 9:45 pm, and since the midwife had stripped my membranes that afternoon it felt like things were happening down there. The contractions were 9 minutes apart and about a minute and a half long for two hours...and then just stopped. At the time, I was sorta grateful because I'd been up since 3:30 that morning, just unable to go back to sleep. I was exhausted, thinking it probably wouldn't go well with me that tired. I decided to lie down to rest and started falling asleep between contractions. Finally they must have just stopped coming and I stayed asleep. I woke up the next morning thinking, "Shit! I shouldn't have lay down! Maybe I could've kept it going!" But maybe I couldn't have. Probably I couldn't have. If I had any control over labor I would've had this baby a couple of weeks ago.

Anyways. It'll be exciting to meet this new little girl and see what she looks like and all. But really all I can think are more selfish thoughts about how much I want not to be pregnant anymore.

Something completely different

Still no baby. Dammit.

It's a dreary day outside, Bean is indulging in a brutal new temper tantrum phase, and I'm in need of some novelty to take my mind off my enormity and sore pelvic bones. A friend is bringing over her 2 kids and some empanadas in a couple of hours, bless her, and Bean and I whipped up a (ahem) congealed salad just for kicks. That's Jell-o salad for you non-Southerners out there. Got the recipe right out of my local garden club's cookbook which lists about a dozen different Jell-o salad options.

I don't know why the prospect of Jell-o has been lurking in my mental periphery lately as something delicious and desirable, but it has. I haven't made Jell-o since I was about eye level with the kitchen counter and it was a big deal to help my mom make it. Chalk it up to nesting, I guess. Once it sets up, it's going to be such a fabulous afternoon snack, though!

No news

For those of you checking up on me, I still haven't had the baby. Today is my due date, so my hope is that within the next 10 days--which is how late Sister was--I will have had her. But not yet. And absolutely no sign or feeling that it will happen soon. If anyone says to me, "No one's ever been pregnant forever," one more time I'll reach through the screen and slap them.

I've been trying to keep myself busy with plans each day so as not to obsess too much. On the agenda today: a trip to the grocery store for some things we don't really need right this minute and a drive to Raleigh to pick up some Girl Scout badges ordered for a meeting on 12/7. Woo-hoo! the PTA's pizza and bingo night is happening tonight at Sister's school, so we're planning to go to that, too, though I dread enduring the "why-are-YOU-still-here?!" themed repartee I'll be hearing from all the other parents there (who should know better anyway).

It's the long, dark night of the pregnant woman's soul here, y'all.

Pop quiz

Does a pair of testicles, the internet, a long weekend, and a 1966 copy of The Handyman's Book make you a plumber? Please discuss, offering at least two examples to support your argument.

'Cause I can't discuss it.

Thanksgiving

The baby was not born on my best friend's from high school's birthday, not on Thanksgiving, not on the last day of Scorpio, and not with her moon in either Aries or Taurus. In short, the baby is still not born. I'm now entering the voodoo part of my pregnancy, in which I wake up every day thinking of bizarre and utterly antilogical reasons why the baby must have been waiting til THIS particular day to be born. She clearly has her own vision of when her best birthday would be, but so far I have no frigging clue what it is. Perhaps my stepfather's birthday in 3 days? My deceased aunt's birthday on the 28th? A moon in Cancer? The full moon on Saturday? Pizza-and-bingo night at Sister's school on my due date, fer chrissakes?

Well anyways. I do hope that everyone had as pleasant and relaxing a Thanksgiving as I did. My mom did all the cooking and even cleaned up afterwards, insisting that I was way too pregnant to do anything but eat and watch her. My little brothers were charming and solicitous. Though my stepfather got worked up debating with Husband about how great Rush Limbaugh is, and my brother called in to wish us happy Thanksgiving from jail, it was all still very restful. I couldn't have asked for it to have gone better,

Though it would have been nice for the baby to have come.

Yet more pregnancy whining

Earlier today, Bean and I were waiting in line at Target behind another mama with her 1-1/2 year old son. He began squalling about something, prompting Bean to scowl at him and boom fiercely, "NO! Settle down!" And prompting me to think to myself, "Jeez, do I sound like that?" And I have to assume that I must, especially lately as my self-pity at being so massive and uncomfortable deepens.

My newest pregnancy symptom is genuine pain down around where I imagine my cervix to be. The baby puts herself in some weird position--like with an elbow inserted into the middle of that little internal donut--and wiggles there, causing me to suck my breath in through my teeth and stop whatever it is I'm doing to very theatrically clutch my lower abdomen. It's not just twinges here and there either, it goes on for hours at a time before it pauses a little while. I assure you, I am neither a wimp nor a drama queen, having acquitted myself damn well through two natural childbirths. But this frickin' hurts and I don't want to have to go through this for the next 2 weeks before going through labor, fer chrissakes! (Insert big, whiny, ugly mama temper tantrum here.)

How NOT to have a baby, or tried and untrue DIY labor induction methods

No, I still haven't had this baby yet and am trying hard to be patient, knowing that this one will likely be late like my others. Sister was 10 days tardy and Bean, 8 days. With a due date of 11/27 this time around, I'm trying to resign myself to having a large-ish Sagittarius baby rather than a nice, petite Scorpio. It's hard not to hope that somehow things will go differently this time.

Just for laughs, I thought I'd put out there the different things I've tried before to get my late-lingering infants born already. This is partly to remind myself of what not to bother with and partly to fend off any well-meaning readers who have tips that may have worked for them, but which did not provoke my previously reluctant uterus to just get on with things. Here goes:

Castor oil: Supposedly works by stimulating bowel contractions and thereby sympathetic uterine contractions that turn into labor. In reality? Castor oil is some nasty ass shit that makes you have...well, nasty ass shit, actually. It's a powerful laxative that tastes foul, even in the peach ice cream milkshake recommended to me by whatever moron I was listening to when Sister was persisting in my belly. I'll never do that again!

Enemas: Was I butt-obsessed back then? I don't think so, but somehow I thought that trying an enema a few days after trying the wretchedly unsuccessful castor oil was a good idea. Again, just a lot of poop and no baby, with the added humiliation of having to stand in line at the drugstore with an enema box.

Nipple stimulation: By me, I mean, not by Husband. If you're using this as a labor stimulating measure, it's supposed to be for a long time--like, 15 minutes out of every hour for several hours per day. Who has the time? Not me, not anymore. I remember trying this when pregnant with Bean, on nights when we were watching movies. Husband could be absorbed in the movie and I could feel less self-conscious. Yes, it produced pretty intense contractions, but who knows if it contributed anything towards uterus readiness? An unmistakably late baby seems to indicate it didn't.

Blue and black cohosh drops: Recommended to me by my midwives when pregnant with Bean. I seem to remember they had me on a regimen of several drops per night, alternating the type. Icky, but seemed harmless and wasn't too expensive. Probably won't go out of my way to use it this time, though. Again, a late baby seems to indicate it just isn't worth even the $15 or so I spent on the drops at Whole Foods.

Sex: Semen contains prostaglandins, which are cervix-ripening hormones. A handy fact that husbands of pregnant women love, have you noticed? Sex is still nice if I can conjure up the mental fortitude to forget about my enormous belly and now perpetually engorged nethers. But doing it to stimulate labor introduces mental pressure that sorta kills the fragile mood. I'll do it for love, but not for labor.

Long walks: I walked A LOT toward the end of my pregnancy with Bean, briskly, up and down the hills around my neighborhood til my hips hurt and I wore myself out. It did nothing but make me tired. Oh, alright, I suppose it's just good to be getting some exercise in, but who wants to walk briskly when you're 40 pounds heavier than you're used to and there's a head rolling around among your pelvic bones? I'd rather rest on the couch and twiddle my nipples.

Evening primrose oil: This is something that my midwives are recommending to me this time around. I'm supposed to be taking 1000 mg orally and 500 mg inserted as a vaginal suppository every night. I was told not to start this til after 37 weeks which sounds promising, right? Like something might happen too early if you do go ahead and take it? But so far, after almost a week and a half, nothing. I suppose it's early enough still to say that the verdict is still out on this one. At least it also falls into the seems-harmless-and-not-too-expensive category.

That's all I'm remembering now, but isn't that enough to have tried and failed with before? I think so. This time, I'll just try--try hard!--to skip the angst, cultivate patience, and enjoy all the things I can do without a newborn on the scene just yet. Things like not having two sets of diapers to change, getting sleep interrupted only by two 30-second trips to the bathroom rather than a few half-hour-long nursing sessions, getting showers roughly when I want them, that sort of thing. I mean, I'll miss this when it's gone, right?

Near the end

1-1/2 centimeters dilated, 39 pounds gained (so far), 2 wakings in the middle of each night to pee, and 18 more days til my due date. But I'm ready NOW.

I may feel differently in a few hours when Husband leaves town to go run the Richmond marathon. Richmond is only about a 3-hour drive from Chapel Hill, and when Husband originally sounded me out about leaving on a trip this close to my due date I thought I was okay about it. But my dreams 2 nights ago were all about me going into labor while Husband wasn't here to help me, so perhaps on some level I guess I am worried about the possibility. Still, now that my rational, daytime mind has taken over, I think I could almost welcome this if I could only get my non-pregnant body back. Tonight would be just fine, whether Husband is here for the first few hours or not. Bring on the sleep deprivation from waking every few hours to nurse a newborn! Bring on three needy, clamoring kids instead of just two! Bring on soreness, difficult labor, stitches, and blood!

I just.want.to.not.be.pregnant.

I want out

I have been laid low by life lately. This whole month has been busy with various events, and even the fun stuff leaves me utterly exhausted. A trip to the pumpkin patch and picnic with friends, an evening potluck with interesting people, a playgroup kid's birthday party, dinner out with Husband for our anniversary--everything is tiring to me now. I'm 36 weeks pregnant now, enormously fat, and I don't give a shit how dirty the house is, how much food I have prepared in the freezer, or what sort of labor I might be looking forward to. I want.this.baby.out.

Pregnancy is not for those of "advanced maternal age" like myself, apparently.

Blessed rain

Okay, I know the weather is the most boring topic in the world to blog about, but I just took the dog for a spin around the block IN THE RAIN. The glorious rain! Fellow Southerners out there will know exactly why this makes me rejoice. We haven't had a drop of rain here in Chapel Hill since September 14th and our city government has been talking lately about how the town reservoirs will run dry in a matter of a couple of months if we don't get rain. Plants have died by the hundreds, whole trees have died by the dozens in my neighborhood, and even if you're not a gardener, it's the topic on everyone's lips around here.

Yay for rain!

Blogger meet up

Know what I got to do today that was so cool? I got to meet a fellow blogger in real life! Has anyone done that before? I haven't. Beth was down in NC visiting her lovely daughter--who I also got to meet today--and we 3, plus Bean, converged at Pullen Park in Raleigh on a deliciously cool morning. Beth was just like her blog, easy to talk to and funny, and it was like I'd known her for longer than...well, anyway it felt like I already knew her. Beth's returning home on Tuesday, but her daughter, Rae, I'm hoping to have over for dinner at our house before this baby is due. They're so nice.
Maybe Beth will post some pictures when she gets back? I was too slack to remember to bring my camera along this morning, I'm sorry to say.

State Fair

One ostrich burger, 2 roasted and lavishly buttered ears of corn, 2 foot-long hot dogs, 1 apple dumpling, 1 ice cream cone with sprinkles, 1 orange slush puppy, 1 giant basket of fries, and $100 later, Husband and the girls and I have completed our annual NC State Fair pilgrimage.

It was a little tricky this year with Bean so insistent on being independently mobile. Despite renting what we thought would be an irresistible car-shaped stroller to push her around in, Bean had to walk like a big kid and furthermore had quite strong opinions about where she did and didn't want to go. Hence, many kiddie rides and prize-every-time games, but no gazing upon prize-winning pies and quilts and amateur wedding cakes for mama. Still, after 5 hours of waddling around, I was happy with what we had done and seen. The girls were happy, too.

Rough return, but then more nesting

Ugh. It took exactly 2 hours on Monday for the afterglow of the annual ladies-only beach trip to wear off. This week has been so busy again, though, that it already feels like ancient history. So I guess there's no point in wallowing here in Husband's obvious crankiness about my being absent from little girl care for 3 days and nights, about the house-wide infestation of dust bunnies, the empty fridge, the mountain of dirty laundry....Nah.

Nesting in preparation for our new little daughter has begun in earnest now that my trip is over. Her room--formerly Bean's room--is pretty well set up. Baby toys and clothes stored in the attic have been washed and put away. Cloth diaper service begins on 11/10. We have a new freestanding freezer, courtesy of my friend Suburban Gorgon, in which I'm looking forward to stockpiling food for the baby apocalypse. On the agenda today--4 chicken pies and a large batch of pumpkin muffins.