Tuesday, March 27, 2007


I spent about an hour today tilling up compacted lawn with some gnarled old pine roots thrown into the mix in our front yard today, trying to prepare it for planting. We have river birches, a scarlet curls willow, some butterfly bushes, and some odd perennials to fit there, mostly with an eye toward shading the living room window which permits blazing hot summer sun to enter the house. Winning more residents of Southern suburbia over to the notion that trees and bushes and flowers are far better than plain ol' grass in a front yard is my other secret agenda.

Wrestling a rototiller in the 85 degree heat had my heartrate skyhigh, being in such sorry shape as I am. But I got another kind of work-out today, too, when Sister, Bean, and I attended her school's science night. It would've been good, tame fun--holding sea urchins and pythons, playing with magnets, mixing up oobleck--except that Sister's father and grandmother were there, too, unexpected only by me. My Ex, I have very little problem with except for the odd email argument over summer vacations. He's really a good-hearted guy and means well. His mother, I loathe. I try very hard never to have to talk with or see her at all because she makes me feel so uncontrollably hateful.

So they were both there and despite the fact that Sisterwas dropped off at school by them just this morning, as soon as she saw them she had eyes only for her grandma. She turned her back on me, grabbed her grandma's arm, and steered her to all the booths she wanted to visit. Her grandma thought this was just great and allowed herself to be led and me to be turned away from. After about an hour of this, when it was time for us to go meet Husband at home for dinner, I was in the crappy position of having to exasperatedly ask Sister to please let's go while she gave her grandma a fifth hug and acted like I was never going to let them be together again. Her grandmother just said cheerily, "See you in a few days! And don't forget that we're going to the mountains!" Which I'm sure that she said to her this morning when they dropped Sister off at school.

God, I hate this. I hate feeling so jealous and hurt. Sister is literally counting down the days out loud to me til she can leave her stinky mama's house and go to the mountains with her grandmother. We had such a lovely week together last week, but this one she is pushing all my buttons. I swear it's on purpose, 8-1/2 years old or not.


Mama D said...

I can't imagine how hard this sort of thing must be. I'm sure you know that if Sister actually had to spend a lot of time with her grandma then she'd be dying to get back home to you and everyone.

Isn't it frustrating how smart kids can be? That they know just how to kick us when we're down.

Seeing as my daughter is doing this to me already and she's not even 2 I fear for the future.

Joan said...

My son knows how to push my buttons. I really try to let small things slide but it's very difficult.

Suburban Gorgon said...

Oh, Sugarmama. You know how clever that child is - she pushes your buttons whenever you are most vulnerable. I'm sorry.